last nights drunken thoughts

I’d like to start this post off by saying that I have found a new artist who sings for me: Mariah the scientist.

So I’m intoxicated and in my feelings. Don’t you just want to kill the memories you had of dumb partners? Wash away the dirt these people left on your body and burn the images that are left in your subconscious? I do. Why did I open my heart and give my all to someone who turned around and carelessly gave that up? Why do I gotta be the only one who has the desire to put their all into a relationship regardless of how rocky the road may get? I’m not talking about infidelity, that shit is disgusting. I’m talking about true hardship that will test your loyalty to the relationship. I’ve been promoting a lot of positivity lately but today the music is taking my elsewhere. Is it a crime that I want revenge? I want to show these disrespect hoe ass men how they made me feel. Useless, undesirable, unwanted, a toy, baggage, or simply something to pass the time. Fuck You. I know wish all the fuck ups in my life all the best, but I’d be lying if I didn’t want them to feel how I felt when they did my dirty. Don’t you just want to shove a taste of their own medicine down their throats? Maybe it’s the alcohol but I’m feeling deadly. Not literally, metaphorically.

People who have heard me kind of sing (never fully singing to my full capacity) have said that I have a great voice: like good enough to try out on various competitions and go far. I’m just too shy but there is one sing that I’m singing with all my heart: Reminders. The song I’m speaking of is full of metaphors, it captures the “behind the scenes” feeling of someone who has to go through moving forward after going through some bullshit with their partner or ex-partner. That’s my thought at least. Why I’ve gotten particularly attached to this song? Well because she’s speaking my life into existence.

every candlelight dinner, date-night liquor, late-night visitor,

reminds me of a killer….

M.T.S

You know those situations where everything reminds you of the person you are trying to move on from? Reminds me of a killer, a killer of my heart. Bittersweet defeat: something you didn’t want to happen but happened anyway. Memories of our trauma is the thing that truly holds us back, because we are just waiting for another fuck up to happen. Accident-prone, clumsy, filled with bad luck, or jinxed is what we call ourselves. Why can’t our love life just work?

Honestly? Fuck all the partners who lost a good catch like us. Fuck all the people who couldn’t figure out what their priorities were, the people who decided it was okay to use and abuse people, and the people who took our love for granted. I am still on the peace vibe, I wish all the people who messed up in my life all the best but I also wish justice on you. Mistreating people because you aren’t entuned with your star player is not cool nor acceptable. There are people out there who are trying to love you and lead you down the right path, for you to waste that opportunity is simply idiotic. So if you know someone is still hung up about a bitter break up: do not bash them, uplift them. Some people’s healing takes longer than others. You have every right to be hurt about someone misusing your time and effort for nonsense. You have every right to be sad because you seen a future with someone who just wanted a quick fix. Let NO ONE take your emotions away from you, the importance is the figure out a way to learn from your experience.

Below is the link to the song that made me make this post. Leave a like, comment or share if you feel me. Thank you Mariah for capturing a real bitch feelings.

Its a new day!

I just want to start by saying: thank you for another Sabbath day. It’s been an up and down week but nonetheless, I am grateful for life.

Every day is a struggle when you’ve based your life around people and their opinions; free your mind. Give thanks for the fact that the eyes of your loved ones and yourself are open today. Give thanks that you’ve made it another week. Give thanks that another day alive is another day to make a step towards a happier life. What are you thankful for today?

I am thankful for:

  • my body being strong enough to still make a living
  • the lives of my friends, family, and viewers
  • the air we breathe
  • food on the table
  • my job not closing because of the lockdown
  • the slow pursuit for mental wellness
  • the people out in the world trying to make a difference
  • Marijuana
  • the fact that God still loves me even though I fall short too many times to count
  • my car rico .

This list is just to show a few examples of what you can give thanks for, there’s still so many blessings I didn’t even write. I know life can beat us up and have us doubting the true beauty of it but just try to find one thing a day to be thankful/grateful for. Finding hidden money, your makeup looks extra good today, the bus driver lets you ride for free, your manager compliments you on your hard work although you thought no one had noticed, or your partner randomly brings you your favorite food for lunch. It’s the little things that truly count the most and I’m sure we can all find one thing everyday that makes us remember how lucky we truly are. With all that being said, I hope to all my fellow Seventh-Day Adventist that you have a wonderful Sabbath Day. Blessings to the Most High. To all my viewers, I hope you have a beautiful Saturday as well. Blessings to you and yours. Let’s keep hope, faith, and love alive! đź’™

no condemination

One of my favorite gospel songs is “We fall down” by Donnie McClurkin; I’d say about 98% of the time when I hear that song play I tear up. I don’t know if its because of what’s going on in my life at the time or because the song gives me hope. Regardless it means the absolutely world to me.

a saint is just a sinner who fell down and got up

~dm

How many times have we done some questionable ass shit? How many times have we fallen short? How many times could we have done better? Too many times to count for most of us but at the same time we are STILL blessed. Just opening your eyes in the morning is a straight blessing. I’ve sinned and dome some questionable shit myself and I could only pray that God still remembers me. A sinner. We all mess up in life but the one who can admit their faults and strive for better is the strongest one. Netflix just dropped “Girlfriends” and in season two Joan and Toni’s relationship really takes a nose dive. Dealing with constant, nonchalant behavior throughout their friendship: Joan decides she has had enough. Why continue to deal with someone who rarely has your best interest in mind or someone who barely upholds the meaning of friendship? CUT THAT OFF! Episode 7 changes things: it pin points the TRUE flaws in man. Oh how we have forgotten that we ALL fall short. We all have flaws. What determines who is better? Money? Morals? Education? Looks? Bloodline? Background? Followers? None of those things; we’ve forgotten that the true intentions of someone comes from the heart: the soul. Everyone is able to change, it’s just that people don’t always seem to. With that very fact, who are we to look down at each other? I have my own flaws and I’m pretty sure there are things I could change about the way I react to my environment; the same goes for anyone reading this post. We all fuck up in life but that doesn’t mean we are withheld from forgiveness. I’ve said some mean things about people who have hurt me and I can vouch that it has added no benefits to my life. I’ve been rude to people who’ve hurt me even though they themselves are going through something that could truly use my attention. I’ve ignored or lashed out on people who’ve tried to move my way of thinking into a different direction. I’ve stolen, cheated, lied, belittled, and disrespected people in my life; nonetheless I can still be forgiven. You can’t just say “forgive me” and think that everything will be good now: own up to your faults and GENUINELY seek forgiveness. We have got to start living a better life for ourselves and the world in order to see better results.

I made this post because I finished watching episode 7 in tears; I had called my mom early cussing about my sibling and spoken to a friend on Monday about some feelings I’ve been having towards a few of the other people I once upon a time called my friends. A saint is just a sinner who fell down but they couldn’t stay there, so they got up. Blessings. You can post for the world to see all day, errr day, but people never know the true battles we are all facing. That “something’s gotta give” starts with YOU! My new mission is PEACE! I hope you will all join me in this journey.

Blessings.

DILEMMA

So I’ve broken the seal and put myself out there but no luck. This is not how I expected that life would go after losing my virginity.

I thought well now I can actually mingle with guys without them running away from the start because they found out I’m a virgin. EHHH WRONG! That’s clearly not how it works love. Just because you think something is going to go a certain way, doesn’t mean it will actually go that way. So what’s the problem? Is it me? Is it society? Is it the male species? Is it all three? The last one seems about right: I have issues with meeting guys, society has screwed up the way we interact with each other on an intimate level, and men are just a complex species to me in general. Yeah I know: I should put myself out there, right? BEEN THERE DONE THAT! I’ve tried dating online and offline, nothing has FULLY worked. I was even thinking a couple days ago that I should just sign up on an online dating site again but it’s such a damn hassle. CAHRONAVIRUS *cardi b voice* makes it hard to meet people in person so I’m left with day dreaming about my future boo; which is sad as hell.

He’s tall, dark, and handsome like Kendall Jenner said in her interview: small eyes (my favorite body part), big smile, he’s strong, he’s passionate, he’s ambitious, and he’s ALL MINE! He’s not worried about any other female but me and his mama. He loves God, smokes weed, and a little rough around the edges; not TOO rough but just the right amount so y’all know he ain’t no push over. Now if I could put all that into a man then we will be well on the road to a lovely relationship, but that’s just the start. After all that, I need him to be all about mind and money: gotta be a hustler; a business man. He’s gotta be street and book smart; gotta know the ropes of life man… it’s hard out here for a pimp. I want to be able to sit down, roll a joint, and talk about life without making him confused: aliens, conspiracies, energy, god, childhood, goals, and dreams. The type of conversations where you don’t realize it’s been four hours and you’ve just scratched the tip of iceberg. I can’t forget the lovey-dovey part, I need me a lova man. Now here me out, I’m not saying be all soft and shit just be compassionate and considerate. As someone who is affectionate, you have to be also or the situationship will run its course quickly. Grab my face and kiss me, rub my booty, caress me while I play video games, tell me I look sexy or smell good, let me know my ass getting fatter, let me wear your hoodies, and run my hands across your body. *sigh

So what now? Do I wait for this make believe person I’ve slightly described above or simply forget about even being in a relationship? I re-read that and I got slightly irritated. I have not dated anyone so giving up is some bullshit; I haven’t even lived the life! I’m getting older and I know I got a little more maturing to do but at the same time I’m ready for “love.” I use quotations because I stopped believing in it on a romantic level a long time ago but at the same time I still want it. How are you suppose to feel when you look around and everyone is hitting the milestones in life that we’ve been told since young: go to school, get a job, find a partner, get married, have kids, and retire. Only thing I have out of all of those is a job; nothing else of my own. I realize that life moves at a different pace for everyone but I am I not suppose to be a little annoyed that life isn’t moving as fast as I want it to? This has me ready to settle with being a rich aunt or “the young lady in their father’s will”. Only time will tell but while everything else in my life seems to be moving so fast, this shit is taking its sweet time.

To my experiences

This post is shout out to all my experiences; I call the people I interacted on an intimately level “experiences” because I don’t have exs. Besides the guy I touched on before in the story about “puppy love,” no one can claim me as an ex. You were not around long enough or just weren’t interested in taking things further. Nonetheless, thank you. Whether it was a good experience or a bad one, they were all lessons to be learned; chapters to be written in the book of my life.

I learned to stop settling; if they don’t see you for the prize you are then move right along. Stop wasting your time trying to prove your worth, stop doubting your worth, and learn to be comfortable in waiting for the right one to come and sweep you off your feet. I know, it sounds like a fucking fairytale. Understanding your worth open doors you didn’t know NEEDED to be open: you love yourself more, the way you carry yourself changes, and ultimately, you will attractive the right energy because you understand your worth. This is not an easy task because of the simply fact that life keeps moving forward regardless of the setbacks in your life. I have mostly come around to the idea that I want a family but since I’ve been slowly realizing my worth, I can’t seem to find a guy I like right now. Time is ticking.

I learned it REALLY isn’t me. I know we’ve all either been told this or heard the phrase ” It’s not you, it’s me.” I know people say it as a way to try not to hurt the person they are telling this to feelings, but sometimes that phrase is ACCURATE! You right, it ain’t me…. YOU got issues! People think happiness is in the form of society and that’s incorrect: happiness is a mental journey that only stops in the grave. Materialistic items, money, and even people will never truly give you the happiness you crave. Just browsing on the internet you can see the unhappiness across the world. So what makes you think that just because you are giving someone your all, they won’t still do you wrong. It’s not you hun, it’s them: people don’t realize the internal hurt that makes their character the way it is. Don’t beat yourself up and question yourself because the person you wanted to be with decided that they weren’t going to be fully on board. Their decision is not your fault and it doesn’t make you ANY less of a potential partner for another. Try again with love!

I learned that I should come out of my shell more often. The main problem I’ve noticed I had with my “experiences” was that the communication was always off. Now, I am a chatterbox BUT only if YOU initiate the conversation. Growing up I was shy and quiet: when I did start talking, I was annoying. So from teenaged years till now I only talk when I am being spoken to; something the “experiences” in my life did not like. I’d get complaints that I never call or text first, I’m always flopping, and I make time for my friends but never them. ALL ONE HUNDRED PERCENT TRUE! I do not call or text first, when I did that during my early years the men would be mad disrespectful so I stop that; if you want to holla at me, you’re going to have to make the moves. I do flop 90% of the time; I AM SHY ASF! I am not fully satisfied with my appearance and men are a different species to me, so naturally I’m not good with encounters. I do realize now that I need to be more open into seeing where the relationship could go, rather than waiting for the shit to hit the fan. I need to be more interactive with the next partner I have so they can truly see what I have to bring to the table. I had some maturing to do because I didn’t really take any of my experiences seriously until the last few. Even then, I still held back because of the safety of my shell; can’t trust people.

This is my most important lesson: DO NOT SECOND GUESS YOURSELF! 9/10 I’ve been right about every odd/bad feeling I had about the person I was “talking” to. I’ve always tried to be the one to give people the benefit of the doubt but I learned real quick that I just might be psychic. I’ve had people debunk everything I had to say about someone because they swore they were a good person; SIKE, that dude is the devil’s spawn sis. Trust your gut. I could always tell where the relationship was going because I’m TOO perceptive. If you read my “about me” you already know that I’m a science geek; I want to go to school for psychology so you can’t pull the wool over my eyes. Problem is, my heart is too big. I try my hardest not to treat people the way they constantly treat me and that’s why I should have followed this lesson more closely. Second guessing myself led me to deal with bullshit that I didn’t have to deal with if I had just trusted my instincts.

Last but never least: SILENCE IS KEY! This lesson is the only lesson that I’ve truly used in EVERY single experience that I’ve had. No more long talking; that back and forth bickering, throwing things, sad songs, tears on your pillows, and tit-for-tat shit is OVER! Repeating yourself constantly only for them to get it right for a day then go back to treating you like shit is bullshit. Stop talking and start doing. When I realize that the situationship wasn’t going anywhere, I left. I’d send them one final message and end it with “Have a good life,” my way of sending blessings your way but letting you know that you will 98% likely never hear from me again. It makes no sense for you to continue to explain to someone how you should be treated, if they didn’t get the memo already then it’s time for you to leave them alone. Understand this, you don’t need to tell someone who truly cares about you how you should be treated, they already know.

#SaggyBoobsMatter


Women are beautiful in all shapes and sizes. Period. Society has really done a number on us by warping people’s mind into thinking you should look a certain way. All that matters is YOU being comfortable in your own skin. Health is the most important thing, always make sure you are staying healthy. This is without shame to people who pay for their body; if you got the dough and that’s what you TRULY want: then go for it. Shout out to the people who go hard in their fitness to look the way they do; amazing. Nonetheless, there shouldn’t be shame on people who’s bodies aren’t “perfect” to you. My boobs hang low but that doesn’t stop me or the men from thinking I’m cute. Embrace yourself. Love yourself. The most I will say to the world is: STAY HEALTHY! Health is key to wealth; and I don’t necessarily mean money. Small, medium, or large we are all amazing creations. Don’t let anyone change your mind on your own beauty.

This goes for men too! You are handsome, wonderful creations that shouldn’t feel ashamed because of what society says is “in” right now. I’ve seen handsome men in every single shade and size: if that isn’t magical, then I don’t know what is. I’ve been attracted to guys with beer bellies and love handles, and guys with six packs and muscles; there no difference. It’s all about how a person makes you feel, their character, and similarities you guys may share. Men own your essence! Don’t think because you look a certain way you can’t go after that beautiful girl. You guys got this, show that confidence.

Scratch an itch!

You heard it hear first folks:

If you ever need to scratch an itch,

scratch and ditch.

~ REAL BITCH

This all started because I was having a conversation outside my house with a few of my peoples and as usual the convo turned sexual. No one seems to ever take me serious when I say we have to take back the power that’s between our legs. Why do we keep moving to the beat of the man’s drum and not our own? I’m not trying to have us all gang up against men, you guys are necessities to the world; It’s just that time where women are learning we can do some shit just as well as men can, if not better. For example: the quote above was made because I explained to them that, If I needed some physical attention I’d simply call the last person I slept. If they were available and single, I’d get my nut and cut. No catching up and no cuddles, simply bust and dust. No long talking. Why we always gotta be the ones with all the emotions? Some of us females can handle a one and done situation, especially if we don’t give two shits about the person we are smashing; we just like their asset. I know what you guys are thinking: the last person I slept with was the guy who took my virginity, isn’t it going to be hard to do something like that? NOPE! For a long time after we stopped talking I really couldn’t face him. I’d avoid checking my friend if he was there and stayed inside my house if he was on the block. Now? I don’t give two shits. Only reason he would be the one I called because he was the last person I had an actual connection with; being a demi-sexual, like I explained in an earlier post, I can’t just sleep with a random guy I don’t or didn’t care about. The kicker is, they don’t believe I can do it. HA! I looked over at the one female who was there during the conversation: Sam, she was laughing and saying they don’t know shit about me. FACTS! Didn’t they tell you that I was a savage? Fuck your white horse and a carriage, I find my own transportation. See once I move on, It’s a DUB for any man. Ladies, if you’re going to scratch an itch, scratch and ditch. Call an uber or start up your car before you’ve even finish putting on your clothes, have the man confused as to why you’re leaving so quickly. Sweetie, we got what we came for; the same way you men can constantly take from a woman, we’ve learned the same. In the end, it’s still a win for you guys because hey, you got the p****, but I know you won’t be expecting her to be out the door without a bye before you’ve even put your boxers back on. Pimpin ain’t easy fellas.

No Cap! Opposite Sex

My experience with the opposite sex was a different type of playing field, like playing in a minefield. You never truly know what you’re going to get because females are way more emotional than men.

My first interaction was not my choosing, my baby sitter was the first girl to ever “hit” on me. I use quotations because it wasn’t appropriate at the time; I was a child. I assume this is why I subconsciously developed a crush on Asians.

My first REAL encounter was with a female who used to live near me; T. We started as friends but I had no idea she was like that. She came onto me and I denied it. She kept trying, eventually more forcefully and we ended up fooling around because I couldn’t deal with it anymore. She tried again, still wasn’t down for it but I gave in and we exchanged oral favors in a parking lot between two cars. Not one of my finest moments but I was thirteen and impressionable; first and last time I ever gave a girl head.

My next encounter was with the female you guys have already heard about in my post about being catfished and being a catfish; Dee. She was my first “relationship”; again I use quotations because I don’t really consider us to have been in a realistic relationship because all we did was talk on the phone and fool around. Seems kind of like a fuck buddy to me. Oh well.

My final encounter was weirdly my best. It went from her trying to talk to me to us becoming closer in which we thought was intimately until we figured out it was more so us becoming best friends. My sweet melly. I met Melissa randomly when I followed a few friends to a rave. Super cool white girl who posed in magazines for the LGBT community in Canada: she was beautiful. Most gorgeous blue eyes I’ve ever seen in front of me. We hit it off that night because we bonded over all the songs we could sing word for word that played that night. Two drunk strangers singing loudly, smoking loud, and having a blast! We exchanged numbers and she ended up inviting me to a house party she was throwing at her house in Windsor. SICKEST FUCKING PARTY I’VE EVER WENT TO – TO DATE!! She had bowls FILLED with weed with little scoopers to pick it up to roll with, she had every type of alcohol, arcade game machines, cotton candy and popcorn machines, she had video games, a HUGE ASS JUMBOTRON TV, and not to mention the dĂ©cor of the house was RIDCULIOUS! Shorty was clearly loaded! ON top of that we were in a mini house, her parents actual house was on the same property just up a hill. They built that mini house for her when she was younger so when she was older she had a place to chill by herself if she wanted. Lucky ass hoe! lol I partied hard that night, we ended up alone in her room, and she change my views on how the body works. I didn’t think my body could do shit she made it do. That’s when I learned when it’s a good, I twitch… like exorcist twitch! ROFL! We woke up the next day and it was like nothing happened. That was the first and last time we ever did anything physical. The days turned to weeks and the weeks turned to months, I really fucked with this girl. She was smart, inspiring, and always made me feel special actually. I don’t do “best friends” but if I were to call anyone that, it would be her. When I found out she passed away, I could have sworn my heart stopped.

I know I haven’t made the best decisions or I haven’t gone through the best parts of life but at the end of the day everything has been a lesson to learn. I learned that if I have children I will be EXTREMELY cautious of who I leave them with, I learned that even females can rape you, I’ve learned that when you’re thinking that trying the other team is better: it’s not, and I also learned never to take things for granted. The hard question has always been: Am I apart of the community? I don’t believe I am because I just can’t see myself with a female for the rest of my life but that doesn’t mean I can’t admire the female form in it’s beauty. Woman are beautiful and I admire just that. Just the way I admire men, I can look at both sexes and see the beauty and desire for either or. I just know I want a husband. Nonetheless, these were lessons I needed to learn and I’m still thankful. I know all the church folks gonna be shocked and salty about this post but like I said before, this is my truth. God is the only judge and he already knew all of this. All have come short of the glory of God but all can be forgiven. Amun.

Dear Diary

I’ve decided that if God spares my life to see my 33rd birthday and I’m not married, I will either adopt or hit up a sperm bank to have a kid. I don’t know if I’ll ever find real love but what I do know is I want a child. To teach him or her and spoil them with all the love I have to give. First, I need to better love and respect myself. Trust in the almighty and focus on my health.

Time to take back 2020!

If I’ve learned anything during this crisis, it’s that we should never take things for granted. Here’s to new and better beginnings.

Happy Sabbath!

Good afternoon and happy sabbath to my fellow Seventh-Day Adventist. As the day moves forward, remember: in all things give thanks.

What is the sabbath? It’s a day where we christians fellowship together in praises and sermons about God. We believe Saturday is the holy day and we disassociate ourselves from every day life on that day. This means: No TV, no cooking, no secular music(music that is not godly), no activities that don’t pertain to God and church, and basically anything frivolous that doesn’t uplift godly manner. This starts sunset on Friday until the sunset on Saturday. It’s a new day when the sun goes down in our religion so for a full 24hrs we observe the holy sabbath day.

Growing up following these customs seemed unfair because I wanted to be outside enjoying the weather or hanging with friends but in the end it made me the person I am today. It helped shape a certain kind of decor to my personality and ultimately, made me a better person. I view the world differently because of religion and my attitude towards certain life trials is more positive because my faith made it so. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion about religion and faith but MY God is not a joke. As a natural human being and also because I am older now, I do have my questions about certain things; for example what did we believe in before black slaves were forced to convert to Christianity? Did we believe in God but didn’t have a specific religion or is there something I’m missing? Either way, I thank my mother for my upbringing because I held onto a lot of aspects of my faith because it truly made sense to me. Why not love your neighbour? Why not treat each other with respect? Why do you need to cheat on your partner? Why speak lies and steal from your friends? Sense is sense, so I agree that my body is a temple and I should treat it as such. Not everybody you meet that “WOWs” you deserve your body, mind, and soul. These are just a few of things we believe in but those alone speak for themselves because I know you agree with me. Living better; not only for yourself, but for the greater good is something I can get behind on. We have lost touch with our humanity and our morals and that’s; in part, why this world is pretty much fucked.

We need to get back into the loving our brethren and remembering that we all have one life to live and should cherish it to the fullest. Our trials and tribulations can be temporary if we put our best foot forward. Yes I know, easier said than done; that doesn’t mean to accept defeat. Possibilities become enlarge when we focus on the thing we truly want for our life. If you want better for yourself then believe in it; MANIFEST that blessing in your life and take charge of the process. Help doesn’t come while you sit on your ass, you have to go out and grab that shit by the balls. This is why even though I have my thoughts on my specific religion, I believe in the love and power of my God. He works in mysterious ways and when you think you aren’t being blessed just remember, you woke up this morning. THAT is a blessing in itself. I will never say religion is for everyone and that y’all need to get with one, but I truly believe we need faith in something other than the people who are in charge on this planet. There has to be a higher anarchy that watches over and deals the hands of justice on the world. I want to end this by saying that although I fall short of the glory of God, I am thankful that God still keeps blessing a sinner like me. The heavens have smiled down on me too many times to count that I can’t just sit back and not believe there is a higher being. Someone that even when you think all hope is lost, they show up in the Knick of time to solve your problems and give you that push to strive for more.

Blessings to all my fellow SDAs! Happy sabbath! Blessings to everyone who is reading this and I pray you have a wonderful and safe day. Remember that you were and are fearfully and wonderfully made. Do NOT let anyone tell you different regardless of who you are. Stay safe folks. đź’™

Dear Diary

I’m stuck. Can you believe I can’t get TWO guys out of my head. On one hand, you have me worried about Guy A and asking the big question : Why? Then on the other hand, I’m still trying to get rid of the feelings I had for Guy B. – The spark was undeniable with the first one, all he had to do was smile and I was his. I’ve never experienced such a whirlwind of emotions with any other male before him, he was one tough code to crack but I was VERY intrigued to solve it. Only it seems maybe I wasn’t the one who was meant to figure him out, the one to steer him down the right path, guide him with love and support. Eventually I felt I couldn’t satisfy him the way he wanted so I had to leave it be. After all, if it’s meant to be it will be right? Maybe wrong; choosing to not have sex has some downfalls like for example: they might just go out and get it somewhere else even though you are their partner. The other guy was what I thought I wanted a guy’s character to be like. He was nice, smart, funny, chill, and down to earth. Always such a good vibe whenever he would come around to smoke. I loved how he would hold me in his arms as he slept. Type of guy to call you every day RIGHT after work and talk to you until it’s time for you to go to bed; perfect. Maybe not, everything that glitters isn’t always gold. Just like the guy before him, I couldn’t be who he wanted me to be. I thought he was good enough to give him my virginity but realized to him, I wasn’t good enough to be his girlfriend. I had to also leave that be.

-sighs-

Why can’t women move on as fast as the men do?

[Bee signed out]