Weekly Vibes.

Happy Sunday Folks, it’s a new week so let’s give it all we’ve got. Stop running from or holding back your full potential; you’ve got this. It’s a new month also for us to reach the goals we tend to put off. For those who are still not working, a change will come for you soon. For those who are working or hustling, keep up with the grind it will pay off eventually. Keep up the faith also, I know times have been trying us a lot lately but never lose hope that there will be a better tomorrow. All the pain and suffering will finally be worth the end result.

So with that being said, stay safe, stay healthy, and stay focused. New week = new movements. Let’s push ourselves to achieve the best version of ourselves. Keep your mind focused on what’s important and forget about the doubters and negative people who might have something to say about your mission. Love yourz . 🙏🏿💖

Happy Sunday. 💫

Dear Diary

It’s the ones you’ve known the longest that can create the deepest wounds. I guess I’m the bad guy even though I was the one who was wronged… is it wrong to confided in someone you think is there for you? Maybe it’s just wrong to assume that people actually rock with you. You’d be surprised who your enemies actually are. It’s the people who when y’all get into an argument they wanna expose everything you’ve ever told them. Those people are one of the worst people on the planet. Never to be trusted, never to be forgotten. I’ve learned to forgive but I’ve also learned to never forget. You ain’t coming back thinking we gon be cool…. NEVER! Once you’ve been cut there’s no going back. Keep your secrets and thoughts to yours because people only use those personal moments as weapons when it’s convenient and useful for them.

& those people who can chill around the same people you don’t fuck with… careful with them. What they say back to them when you ain’t there?

Mind your business and watch your pockets; people aren’t to be trusted.

[Bee signed out]

Dear Diary

It’s like every week I’m learning a new lesson. This weeks lesson: keep it to yourself. I mean everything!!! Your feelings, thoughts, emotions, goals, dreams, love, trust, respect, money, compassion, consideration, joy, energy, opinions, EVERYTHING! It doesn’t matter who you are or what you stand for to people if they don’t care then there’s no point in expressing yourself. So I will be staying mute and keeping my distance.

  • If I FINALLY get a boyfriend
  • If I win the lotto
  • If I’m feeling depressed
  • If I’m feeling angry
  • If I want a hug
  • If I achieved something I’ve been working hard on
  • If I get accepted into the school
  • if I’m pregnant
  • If I’m not cool with a mutual person
  • If someone I know just died

No one will know!! From this day forward: February, 25,2021. All accounts of my life will either be posted in short minor details on my blog or not said at all. The only person who will continue to hear my life story is my brother; unbiased and never talks what I say to him. The rest of the world will never gain my trust again.

Next step is removing all the negative energy and unnecessary people in my life. Good riddance and blessings always to those who are about to get CUT!

[Bee signed out]

Now & Forever

There comes a point in time where enough is enough. You’ve lost the care you once had, the love you once showed, and the desire you once gave. Now you’re cold; immune to the negativity that you just accept it now. Accept that things won’t work out for you, accept that your are who you are, and the world will remain how it is.

Truth or Fiction?

It’s either “Now or never” or “Now and forever.”

Life is filled with SOBs ( sons of bitches) and you just gotta deal with it. You can’t make people change if they do not see where they need to change. People have a way of only seeing their faults when there’s a cloud of tension in a room or when someone who’s actual opinion they value shows them. SOB. Now and forever something has to change: whether it’s your or them; more than likely it will be you.

Standing up for yourself is one of the best feelings in the world: showing people that you are done putting up with the blatant nonchalant attitude that people show you. Where are these people when you’re hungry? Where are these people when you need a shoulder to lean on? Where are these people when you feel like giving up? Where are these people when the bills are stacked too high for you to manage? Where are these people when you want to be loved? Nowhere.

It’s Now or never folks.

Or it’s Now and Forever.

Fuck living for others and live for you and your true loved ones. A “friend” is such a term that is constantly misused to describe the people you hang around. A “lover” is such an undeserving word for someone who doesn’t have your best interest in mind. So fuck em! If you can’t find genuine love and support from your friends, family, or partner…. then FUCK EM! You will continue to be depressed and lash out at the ones who DO have your best interest. You will continue to doubt your worth and second guess your capabilities with the ball of negative people around you. #changethedynamic . If you want more for yourself you gotta demand more! They think you are weak, gullible, and easy to manipulate… show them how wrong they are. Show them your power, dignity, and strength; take the trash in your life to the curb!

It’s Now or Never.

Or Now and Forever folks.

You either nip in the bud now and forever. Or read my words now and never speak on it. Your choice, choose wisely.

Podcast preview!

More surprises! I got a little preview for you guys of my “Stoned Blows” podcast. Just a little rant in life lessons while I was high, tipsy, home alone, and bored lol.

Roll up or grab a drink and check out the preview on my stoned blows page.

Of if you’re lazy like me, click the link below!

http://diaryofapathologicalliar.ca/stoned-blows/

🌿

Without Feelings..

I look around to see the mix of hopelessness and hopefulness in the world.

I see people pushing through the day even while in the midst of turmoil.

I see the many displays of character on social media.

I see the changes in the air as we dive deeper into the winter season.

I see a lack of concern.

I see my failures.

I see my wins.

I see the smile on the pretty ladies’ face as she waits in the cold for the next bus.

I see the pain and the strength in the world.

I see no changes.

I see too many changes.

I sit behind the scene and watch as the people around me cry out.

I sit back and watch the world slowly burn.

I sit back and enjoy the company I keep.

I sit back and regret the company I keep.

Without feelings you get a different perspective about life. Without the emotions that may conflict how we respond to any specific situation, you can get an idea of something bigger than yourself. I look outside the window as the snow falls silently and my mind is clear; nothing negative, nothing positive… just clear. Step outside your feelings with me; look around you, what do you see? Take a look outside your window, what do you see? If I look around me right now all I see is darkness, but within that darkness is a sense of hopefulness. If I look around me I also notice the lack of concern for things that should be a concern. Too caught up in emotions, my place is dirty. I got one week left of clothes because I’ve just been so withdrawn mentally from doing any up keep. I still smile and have fun while pretending I’m not mentally going under. There’s no one to talk to that will understand. There’s no one to talk to that might relate, so I sit here typing without feelings. The snow is beautiful; quiet. Music playing faintly from my speakers and the exhale of marijuana smoke from my lips is all I hear. Without feelings I’ve finally figured out what my problem is: I sell myself short. I procrastinate, I shy away from responsibility, I lack consideration for others, myself, and I have my priorities mixed up.

Focus.

Focused.

The mind is the most power tool you have, it can either be damaging or it could be the very thing that saves you from being damaged. I see a lot of damaged people and people who are trying to keep themselves from becoming apart of the same group. I see smiles with hidden agendas and genuine ones. I see frowns and expressionless faces. I see beauty and I see beasts. I see poverty and riches galore. I see death and birth. What do you see? What do you WANT to see? Change starts within. My place is now clean, clothes washing and drying, dogs fed, showered and feeling refreshed. Surprisingly, my mind is not negative today. I got Kid Cudi bumping loudly through my speakers while I sit back and enjoy today…….

Without feelings.

Dear Diary

Hey…. it’s been a while since I’ve typed my thoughts out but there’s no time like the present. It’s a struggle to remain the kindhearted person I am when I just want to be heartless like everyone else. Like… I wanna not give a crap about what people think or who I hurt too!

Nah… that’s not me, sadly. You constantly give people the benefit of the doubt and they continuously show you that they aren’t any different from what you already thought they were. Trust your gut. We all know the golden rule: treat people the way you want to be treated. So what happens when people just treat people like assholes? Shouldn’t I treat them the same way? I mean screw them right? As tough as I sound, it’s easier said than done. There isn’t a situation that goes by where I am treated unfairly and I don’t want revenge; but in the same instant I choose to leave it alone and let karma deal with it.

I don’t ask for much… I just want real love and support: whether it’s from family, friends or my significant other. I just want; for once, people to show the kind of love I do. Am I asking for too much?

[Bee signed out]

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Good morning everyone,

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Reflecting on 2020: it’s been a trying year; alongside dealing with the pandemic: I also learned a lot of about myself and my surroundings. Some things that took place this year were completely out of my control, while the things I could control, I didn’t control well. This year my goal is to #changethedynamic. Putting aside the ill-regards, the fake behavior, the self-pity or doubt, and simply moving in a more positive direction for my life. It’s about time I stopped hoping for change and actually went out and made changes. To those who I have left behind in 2020, I wish them all the best. I pray they receive wealth, health, and wisdom in their journey of life, I just know that our chapter has ended. Me leaving certain people behind isn’t meant to be taking as a diss, It’s just that I ONLY want the people who check for me the most around me during these new life changes. I want to make sure the right energy is around me constantly and I want only people who genuinely want what’s best for me around. I still have respect and love for them but I just know our interaction won’t be the same starting this year.

With all that being said, use this year as your “turn around” year. I know there’s not a lot to do with this whole quarantine, but still use this time to perfect that star quality you’ve been waiting to showcase. This is the year I entered a new stage in my life and I want to make sure I get it right this time. I abused my 20s: carefree and careless, I decided I was going to do what I want- when I want. Reckless and idiotic. I could have been somewhere else in my life if I had the knowledge and focus I have now. If I wasn’t so caught up in the freedom, I would have truly applied myself more. Nonetheless, my 20s taught me many things that will make me successful in my pursuit of happiness now. So here’s to a new year filled with hopes and realistic dreams, and a new year with mental clarity and self-love, a year filled with growing wealth and perfect health.

WELCOME TO 2021! MAY IT BE FILLED WITH BLESSINGS!

Upcoming Updates!

Happy Monday folks, everyone stay safe and warm today: it’s a cold morning.

I hope you guys are ready to take on all the new exciting things that are about to happen in your life. First, you gotta claim it! Claim your blessings and own your magic.

I have some upcoming projects I will be dropping in addition to this blog. This is still be the main source of me but I’m also willing to show more sides. In the new year, I will be dropping two new projects for you guys to check out. My new YouTube Channel and new podcast.

TRT presents: Stoned Blows! This will showcase my chill stoner side jammed packed with interviews, Motivational segments, rants, call ins, and more. So roll up and let’s take on the world together every Sunday and Friday starting Jan 1st. 💫🎙

The Real Truth will also be showcased on YouTube. If you’re not really a reader than sit back and watch me vlog some of the events in my life. Tune in for the 100-joints challenge, throwbacks, guest appearances, night life, date nights, and exclusive interviews on my new podcast. This will be dropping sometime in January, just waiting for one last detail. 🎬

Thank you guys for all the support and welcome to all my new readers. This isn’t possible without y’all allowing me to be me and in the end rocking with me. Sending positive vibes and love your way, have a great Monday . 💙

Like, comment, share, and subscribe when it drops! 🔑🔑🔑

Closer. Happy sunday.

You want what you want, so go get it. The year is ending and I know a few of us are feeling a little unfulfilled. Missing the good feeling of having a decent year because of all the stuff that’s been going on lately. Nonetheless, it’s a new week so let’s keep #changingthedynamic. You can become closer to your dreams. Hard work does pay off but the key note is the hard work part, you gotta work for what you want.

I pray we all receive blessings and breakthroughs before the year ends, a way of showing us that the new year is hopeful. Or, instead let’s make the new year our bitch! Screw the automatic negative thinking, I’m going stay being hopeful that storm will be over soon. Every setback has been preparing us for a major comeback. So happy Sunday beautiful people, hussle hard and keep the bullshit in the past. Stop that living for others shit, cut that doubt shit, no more settling, and let’s become the first millionaires in the family. Love Yours. 💙

Rock with me now.

Stay safe folks and thank you for rocking with me.💫

Survived.

Good morning folks and welcome to a new work day. If you are not working, I pray your situation changes soon so we all can eat. If you are working, stay safe and try to have a productive work week.

A new week brings many things in store of us. Try tackling something new this week or work on a goal you’ve been putting off. No one is perfect so let’s both try to remain positive this week. I know for me personally, it will be a task but I am still determined to let this week pass by semi-smoothly. So shout out everyone hustling and trying to make it out here. My talented people just a moment away from truly showing the world their skills. My parents out there who hold down the Fort of the home for their family. My entrepreneurs coming up with the next best thing. My people’s hustle on the block, I know we know this is ain’t right but everyone’s gotta eat somehow; the world hasn’t made it easy for people to fall back in with the rest of society. Big up my 9-5’s waking up and hitting those hours daily for a pay cheque. Let’s get this money, get this body, and get our minds right.

Happy Monday 💙💫

Dear Diary

I just want to say, thank you. For all the blessings, trials and tribulations that I’ve been through. Everything happens for a reason, so regardless of what’s going on I want to thank the lord for giving me all these merciful blessings lately. I’ve been up and down about how I wanted to approach certain people but I’ve learned that you must portray the blessings you receive, I’m truly thankful for the more positive days that I’ve been experiencing lately. Although I am still going through ups and down, I am still blessed and highly favored. A bitch has been going through the mud and still trying to come out without any stains. Impossible. It might be but regardless I’m going to hold onto the fact that things change with purpose. My purpose is to move forward with more enlightenment. I’ve learned new things this past month that has opened my eyes to the behavior of myself and others. I wish everyone peace though because there are battles that you have no idea that someone is fighting. All the more reason for me to humble myself and realize that I’m not the only person going through some bullshit. That also means that for all the motherfuckers who are coming for me, they should just chill the fuck out. Do you even have an idea what it feels like to be me? Like walk a mile in my shoes for a second: you’d have bunions. The size wouldn’t fit perfectly, so you’d be upset every time you stepped in my shoes. Let’s strive for more, better. Let’s make new movements and wish better outcome for peoples lives that we’ve been doing now. 2021 is approaching and in all honesty: I want to be more peaceful in the new year. More entuned with the way I live my life. I’ve been stepping out of my usual self lately by asking about and linking up with people I wouldn’t normal ask for or chill with. The anonymity is dead. We all make mistakes and that’s life. I just know that moving forward, it is only up from here.

[Bee signed out]

last nights drunken thoughts

I’d like to start this post off by saying that I have found a new artist who sings for me: Mariah the scientist.

So I’m intoxicated and in my feelings. Don’t you just want to kill the memories you had of dumb partners? Wash away the dirt these people left on your body and burn the images that are left in your subconscious? I do. Why did I open my heart and give my all to someone who turned around and carelessly gave that up? Why do I gotta be the only one who has the desire to put their all into a relationship regardless of how rocky the road may get? I’m not talking about infidelity, that shit is disgusting. I’m talking about true hardship that will test your loyalty to the relationship. I’ve been promoting a lot of positivity lately but today the music is taking my elsewhere. Is it a crime that I want revenge? I want to show these disrespect hoe ass men how they made me feel. Useless, undesirable, unwanted, a toy, baggage, or simply something to pass the time. Fuck You. I know wish all the fuck ups in my life all the best, but I’d be lying if I didn’t want them to feel how I felt when they did my dirty. Don’t you just want to shove a taste of their own medicine down their throats? Maybe it’s the alcohol but I’m feeling deadly. Not literally, metaphorically.

People who have heard me kind of sing (never fully singing to my full capacity) have said that I have a great voice: like good enough to try out on various competitions and go far. I’m just too shy but there is one sing that I’m singing with all my heart: Reminders. The song I’m speaking of is full of metaphors, it captures the “behind the scenes” feeling of someone who has to go through moving forward after going through some bullshit with their partner or ex-partner. That’s my thought at least. Why I’ve gotten particularly attached to this song? Well because she’s speaking my life into existence.

every candlelight dinner, date-night liquor, late-night visitor,

reminds me of a killer….

M.T.S

You know those situations where everything reminds you of the person you are trying to move on from? Reminds me of a killer, a killer of my heart. Bittersweet defeat: something you didn’t want to happen but happened anyway. Memories of our trauma is the thing that truly holds us back, because we are just waiting for another fuck up to happen. Accident-prone, clumsy, filled with bad luck, or jinxed is what we call ourselves. Why can’t our love life just work?

Honestly? Fuck all the partners who lost a good catch like us. Fuck all the people who couldn’t figure out what their priorities were, the people who decided it was okay to use and abuse people, and the people who took our love for granted. I am still on the peace vibe, I wish all the people who messed up in my life all the best but I also wish justice on you. Mistreating people because you aren’t entuned with your star player is not cool nor acceptable. There are people out there who are trying to love you and lead you down the right path, for you to waste that opportunity is simply idiotic. So if you know someone is still hung up about a bitter break up: do not bash them, uplift them. Some people’s healing takes longer than others. You have every right to be hurt about someone misusing your time and effort for nonsense. You have every right to be sad because you seen a future with someone who just wanted a quick fix. Let NO ONE take your emotions away from you, the importance is the figure out a way to learn from your experience.

Below is the link to the song that made me make this post. Leave a like, comment or share if you feel me. Thank you Mariah for capturing a real bitch feelings.

Its a new day!

I just want to start by saying: thank you for another Sabbath day. It’s been an up and down week but nonetheless, I am grateful for life.

Every day is a struggle when you’ve based your life around people and their opinions; free your mind. Give thanks for the fact that the eyes of your loved ones and yourself are open today. Give thanks that you’ve made it another week. Give thanks that another day alive is another day to make a step towards a happier life. What are you thankful for today?

I am thankful for:

  • my body being strong enough to still make a living
  • the lives of my friends, family, and viewers
  • the air we breathe
  • food on the table
  • my job not closing because of the lockdown
  • the slow pursuit for mental wellness
  • the people out in the world trying to make a difference
  • Marijuana
  • the fact that God still loves me even though I fall short too many times to count
  • my car rico .

This list is just to show a few examples of what you can give thanks for, there’s still so many blessings I didn’t even write. I know life can beat us up and have us doubting the true beauty of it but just try to find one thing a day to be thankful/grateful for. Finding hidden money, your makeup looks extra good today, the bus driver lets you ride for free, your manager compliments you on your hard work although you thought no one had noticed, or your partner randomly brings you your favorite food for lunch. It’s the little things that truly count the most and I’m sure we can all find one thing everyday that makes us remember how lucky we truly are. With all that being said, I hope to all my fellow Seventh-Day Adventist that you have a wonderful Sabbath Day. Blessings to the Most High. To all my viewers, I hope you have a beautiful Saturday as well. Blessings to you and yours. Let’s keep hope, faith, and love alive! 💙

PRECIATE IT!


Mary Jane. She’s the one thing that’s always in your corner when you need the support. I started smoking when I was young but the “stoner” title didn’t really fit me until a year later. I realized that I could use this plant as mental support for all the things that trouble my mind. It went from being something all the cool kids were doing to I actually need this in my life. I know all the harmful things about smoking so you don’t need to come at me about them, I still choose to smoke. I am quitting soon but nonetheless, this is an appreciation post about Marijuana.

This plant has helped me through the most stressful times and paved the way for the best nights on the town. Dealing with abuse, anxiety, insomnia, antisocial tendencies, and certain physical ailments weed really changed the game for me. It was like I was a whole new person. I talked more, ate more, and lived more. I let the plant take over my mind and body to the point where people who didn’t think I was cool before, did after. It brought me out of my shell and opened doors for more exciting things I wouldn’t have done if I wasn’t smoking. I met some cool ass people and made some iconic memories all because of weed. I wouldn’t recommend smoking weed to anyone, I’d say to use the oils for a more beneficial effect. If you already smoke then you know where I am coming from, weed changes things. My anger was and still is the biggest factor in my life; weed made it slightly easier to handle. Morning joints became the thing; they were always personal too, you have to start the day with a whole spliff to your face. NO sharing. Those jays saved a lot of people from my wrath and you guys should be thankful. LOL. I am not a morning person so naturally weed helped with that problem, I’d be high as shit and would greet anyone I saw with smiles and laughter even if I didn’t exactly wake up in the best mood. It brought some down to earth people into my life who I am still friends with till this day and it’s been over a decade. I turned into the out-going girl people didn’t really get a chance to see because I was shy and quiet growing up. Weed also helped me deal with the depression and anxiousness I always had: I’d smoke and within 20mins I was already laughing up a storm for whatever reason, blocking out the sadness inside. Yes I know weed wears off so the sadness does come back, that’s kind of the reason why I believe I’ve been abusing it. Regardless, weed always puts me in a better mood. I started to not care about what people had to say because the weed made me so damn chill and relax, I didn’t want to blow my high over some idiot. Shout out to all my stoners who understand this post and can relate to some of the things I’ve said. Shout out the people who just smoke to smoke. Shout out all the weed lovers, the true connoisseurs of marijuana and shout out the people who don’t smoke. This plant is a beneficial plant regardless of how you use it, just be mindful of the affects on your body and be sure to stay healthy. Thank you Mary Jane for 15 years of enjoyment. Yes 15 years. I am quitting the smoking aspect for marijuana but not the plant on a whole. It’s been a long time coming and I need to change my health for the better. Till then:

Roll that shit.

Light that shit.

Smoke that shit.