Now & Forever

There comes a point in time where enough is enough. You’ve lost the care you once had, the love you once showed, and the desire you once gave. Now you’re cold; immune to the negativity that you just accept it now. Accept that things won’t work out for you, accept that your are who you are, and the world will remain how it is.

Truth or Fiction?

It’s either “Now or never” or “Now and forever.”

Life is filled with SOBs ( sons of bitches) and you just gotta deal with it. You can’t make people change if they do not see where they need to change. People have a way of only seeing their faults when there’s a cloud of tension in a room or when someone who’s actual opinion they value shows them. SOB. Now and forever something has to change: whether it’s your or them; more than likely it will be you.

Standing up for yourself is one of the best feelings in the world: showing people that you are done putting up with the blatant nonchalant attitude that people show you. Where are these people when you’re hungry? Where are these people when you need a shoulder to lean on? Where are these people when you feel like giving up? Where are these people when the bills are stacked too high for you to manage? Where are these people when you want to be loved? Nowhere.

It’s Now or never folks.

Or it’s Now and Forever.

Fuck living for others and live for you and your true loved ones. A “friend” is such a term that is constantly misused to describe the people you hang around. A “lover” is such an undeserving word for someone who doesn’t have your best interest in mind. So fuck em! If you can’t find genuine love and support from your friends, family, or partner…. then FUCK EM! You will continue to be depressed and lash out at the ones who DO have your best interest. You will continue to doubt your worth and second guess your capabilities with the ball of negative people around you. #changethedynamic . If you want more for yourself you gotta demand more! They think you are weak, gullible, and easy to manipulate… show them how wrong they are. Show them your power, dignity, and strength; take the trash in your life to the curb!

It’s Now or Never.

Or Now and Forever folks.

You either nip in the bud now and forever. Or read my words now and never speak on it. Your choice, choose wisely.

Dear Diary

Forgive me.

  • forgive me for wanting more
  • Forgive me for forgetting
  • Forgive me for trying to love someone
  • Forgive me for leaving the church
  • Forgive me for believing you were my friend
  • Forgive me for being so blind
  • Forgive me for the useless money spending
  • Forgive me for yelling
  • Forgive me for swearing
  • Forgive for hating myself
  • Forgive me for hating my body
  • Forgive me for the doubt
  • Forgive me for my empty heart

[Bee signed out]

Dear Diary

When you don’t get what you want bee you turned into an arse! Why don’t you speak up more or stop letting people get what THEY want? Then because of that you slowly take your frustration out on everything…

What good is that getting you? How is that going to make you rich and more positive? Okay he cute, but y’all want different things so why not cut him off? Yes he feels and looks good but is that all you want? Okay they been your friends for years now but they don’t mean you no good, so why continue to deal with them? Yes they’ve came through for you a few times and made the parties lit but can you really say you trust them?? Sometimes things in life don’t go the way we want and that’s fine… you live and you learn…. but why continue to settle? Why not say okay this didn’t work then I should move on, why wallow? You gotta realize some day SOON that you matter too.

[Bee signed out]

Without Feelings..

I look around to see the mix of hopelessness and hopefulness in the world.

I see people pushing through the day even while in the midst of turmoil.

I see the many displays of character on social media.

I see the changes in the air as we dive deeper into the winter season.

I see a lack of concern.

I see my failures.

I see my wins.

I see the smile on the pretty ladies’ face as she waits in the cold for the next bus.

I see the pain and the strength in the world.

I see no changes.

I see too many changes.

I sit behind the scene and watch as the people around me cry out.

I sit back and watch the world slowly burn.

I sit back and enjoy the company I keep.

I sit back and regret the company I keep.

Without feelings you get a different perspective about life. Without the emotions that may conflict how we respond to any specific situation, you can get an idea of something bigger than yourself. I look outside the window as the snow falls silently and my mind is clear; nothing negative, nothing positive… just clear. Step outside your feelings with me; look around you, what do you see? Take a look outside your window, what do you see? If I look around me right now all I see is darkness, but within that darkness is a sense of hopefulness. If I look around me I also notice the lack of concern for things that should be a concern. Too caught up in emotions, my place is dirty. I got one week left of clothes because I’ve just been so withdrawn mentally from doing any up keep. I still smile and have fun while pretending I’m not mentally going under. There’s no one to talk to that will understand. There’s no one to talk to that might relate, so I sit here typing without feelings. The snow is beautiful; quiet. Music playing faintly from my speakers and the exhale of marijuana smoke from my lips is all I hear. Without feelings I’ve finally figured out what my problem is: I sell myself short. I procrastinate, I shy away from responsibility, I lack consideration for others, myself, and I have my priorities mixed up.

Focus.

Focused.

The mind is the most power tool you have, it can either be damaging or it could be the very thing that saves you from being damaged. I see a lot of damaged people and people who are trying to keep themselves from becoming apart of the same group. I see smiles with hidden agendas and genuine ones. I see frowns and expressionless faces. I see beauty and I see beasts. I see poverty and riches galore. I see death and birth. What do you see? What do you WANT to see? Change starts within. My place is now clean, clothes washing and drying, dogs fed, showered and feeling refreshed. Surprisingly, my mind is not negative today. I got Kid Cudi bumping loudly through my speakers while I sit back and enjoy today…….

Without feelings.

Dear Diary

Hey…. it’s been a while since I’ve typed my thoughts out but there’s no time like the present. It’s a struggle to remain the kindhearted person I am when I just want to be heartless like everyone else. Like… I wanna not give a crap about what people think or who I hurt too!

Nah… that’s not me, sadly. You constantly give people the benefit of the doubt and they continuously show you that they aren’t any different from what you already thought they were. Trust your gut. We all know the golden rule: treat people the way you want to be treated. So what happens when people just treat people like assholes? Shouldn’t I treat them the same way? I mean screw them right? As tough as I sound, it’s easier said than done. There isn’t a situation that goes by where I am treated unfairly and I don’t want revenge; but in the same instant I choose to leave it alone and let karma deal with it.

I don’t ask for much… I just want real love and support: whether it’s from family, friends or my significant other. I just want; for once, people to show the kind of love I do. Am I asking for too much?

[Bee signed out]

Upcoming Updates!

Happy Monday folks, everyone stay safe and warm today: it’s a cold morning.

I hope you guys are ready to take on all the new exciting things that are about to happen in your life. First, you gotta claim it! Claim your blessings and own your magic.

I have some upcoming projects I will be dropping in addition to this blog. This is still be the main source of me but I’m also willing to show more sides. In the new year, I will be dropping two new projects for you guys to check out. My new YouTube Channel and new podcast.

TRT presents: Stoned Blows! This will showcase my chill stoner side jammed packed with interviews, Motivational segments, rants, call ins, and more. So roll up and let’s take on the world together every Sunday and Friday starting Jan 1st. 💫🎙

The Real Truth will also be showcased on YouTube. If you’re not really a reader than sit back and watch me vlog some of the events in my life. Tune in for the 100-joints challenge, throwbacks, guest appearances, night life, date nights, and exclusive interviews on my new podcast. This will be dropping sometime in January, just waiting for one last detail. 🎬

Thank you guys for all the support and welcome to all my new readers. This isn’t possible without y’all allowing me to be me and in the end rocking with me. Sending positive vibes and love your way, have a great Monday . 💙

Like, comment, share, and subscribe when it drops! 🔑🔑🔑

Survived.

Good morning folks and welcome to a new work day. If you are not working, I pray your situation changes soon so we all can eat. If you are working, stay safe and try to have a productive work week.

A new week brings many things in store of us. Try tackling something new this week or work on a goal you’ve been putting off. No one is perfect so let’s both try to remain positive this week. I know for me personally, it will be a task but I am still determined to let this week pass by semi-smoothly. So shout out everyone hustling and trying to make it out here. My talented people just a moment away from truly showing the world their skills. My parents out there who hold down the Fort of the home for their family. My entrepreneurs coming up with the next best thing. My people’s hustle on the block, I know we know this is ain’t right but everyone’s gotta eat somehow; the world hasn’t made it easy for people to fall back in with the rest of society. Big up my 9-5’s waking up and hitting those hours daily for a pay cheque. Let’s get this money, get this body, and get our minds right.

Happy Monday 💙💫

Dear Diary

I just want to say, thank you. For all the blessings, trials and tribulations that I’ve been through. Everything happens for a reason, so regardless of what’s going on I want to thank the lord for giving me all these merciful blessings lately. I’ve been up and down about how I wanted to approach certain people but I’ve learned that you must portray the blessings you receive, I’m truly thankful for the more positive days that I’ve been experiencing lately. Although I am still going through ups and down, I am still blessed and highly favored. A bitch has been going through the mud and still trying to come out without any stains. Impossible. It might be but regardless I’m going to hold onto the fact that things change with purpose. My purpose is to move forward with more enlightenment. I’ve learned new things this past month that has opened my eyes to the behavior of myself and others. I wish everyone peace though because there are battles that you have no idea that someone is fighting. All the more reason for me to humble myself and realize that I’m not the only person going through some bullshit. That also means that for all the motherfuckers who are coming for me, they should just chill the fuck out. Do you even have an idea what it feels like to be me? Like walk a mile in my shoes for a second: you’d have bunions. The size wouldn’t fit perfectly, so you’d be upset every time you stepped in my shoes. Let’s strive for more, better. Let’s make new movements and wish better outcome for peoples lives that we’ve been doing now. 2021 is approaching and in all honesty: I want to be more peaceful in the new year. More entuned with the way I live my life. I’ve been stepping out of my usual self lately by asking about and linking up with people I wouldn’t normal ask for or chill with. The anonymity is dead. We all make mistakes and that’s life. I just know that moving forward, it is only up from here.

[Bee signed out]

last nights drunken thoughts

I’d like to start this post off by saying that I have found a new artist who sings for me: Mariah the scientist.

So I’m intoxicated and in my feelings. Don’t you just want to kill the memories you had of dumb partners? Wash away the dirt these people left on your body and burn the images that are left in your subconscious? I do. Why did I open my heart and give my all to someone who turned around and carelessly gave that up? Why do I gotta be the only one who has the desire to put their all into a relationship regardless of how rocky the road may get? I’m not talking about infidelity, that shit is disgusting. I’m talking about true hardship that will test your loyalty to the relationship. I’ve been promoting a lot of positivity lately but today the music is taking my elsewhere. Is it a crime that I want revenge? I want to show these disrespect hoe ass men how they made me feel. Useless, undesirable, unwanted, a toy, baggage, or simply something to pass the time. Fuck You. I know wish all the fuck ups in my life all the best, but I’d be lying if I didn’t want them to feel how I felt when they did my dirty. Don’t you just want to shove a taste of their own medicine down their throats? Maybe it’s the alcohol but I’m feeling deadly. Not literally, metaphorically.

People who have heard me kind of sing (never fully singing to my full capacity) have said that I have a great voice: like good enough to try out on various competitions and go far. I’m just too shy but there is one sing that I’m singing with all my heart: Reminders. The song I’m speaking of is full of metaphors, it captures the “behind the scenes” feeling of someone who has to go through moving forward after going through some bullshit with their partner or ex-partner. That’s my thought at least. Why I’ve gotten particularly attached to this song? Well because she’s speaking my life into existence.

every candlelight dinner, date-night liquor, late-night visitor,

reminds me of a killer….

M.T.S

You know those situations where everything reminds you of the person you are trying to move on from? Reminds me of a killer, a killer of my heart. Bittersweet defeat: something you didn’t want to happen but happened anyway. Memories of our trauma is the thing that truly holds us back, because we are just waiting for another fuck up to happen. Accident-prone, clumsy, filled with bad luck, or jinxed is what we call ourselves. Why can’t our love life just work?

Honestly? Fuck all the partners who lost a good catch like us. Fuck all the people who couldn’t figure out what their priorities were, the people who decided it was okay to use and abuse people, and the people who took our love for granted. I am still on the peace vibe, I wish all the people who messed up in my life all the best but I also wish justice on you. Mistreating people because you aren’t entuned with your star player is not cool nor acceptable. There are people out there who are trying to love you and lead you down the right path, for you to waste that opportunity is simply idiotic. So if you know someone is still hung up about a bitter break up: do not bash them, uplift them. Some people’s healing takes longer than others. You have every right to be hurt about someone misusing your time and effort for nonsense. You have every right to be sad because you seen a future with someone who just wanted a quick fix. Let NO ONE take your emotions away from you, the importance is the figure out a way to learn from your experience.

Below is the link to the song that made me make this post. Leave a like, comment or share if you feel me. Thank you Mariah for capturing a real bitch feelings.

NEW DAY = NEW STORIES!

Alright so let’s set aside your regular reading for something a little new today….

Our story involves men. HOW FUN! It’s a normal day like any other, work is finished and the dogs are barking…. (my feet). Another thing is making some noise: my gut. I head into the nearest mall for the classic mall junk food and before I even reach the door I am being honked at. HEY!! I’m walking here… have some got damn patience! This is when I noticed a white male waving me down, he proceeds to pull up beside me as I am STILL walking towards the door and asked me if he could talk to me. Okay Becca…. Be nice.

“What can I do for you?”

“Damn girl, you are looking good: like you’ve been in and out the gym in those tights,” he says.

“Actually, I make it my mission to stay out the gym… This is me coming from work,” I replied.

He proceeds to ask the obvious follow up question: where do I work? Then he asked me if I could pull my mask down so he could get a good look at my face. THANK YOU COVID FOR MAKING MEN QUESTION MY BEAUTY EVEN MORE NOW!! Nonetheless, I obliged and removed my face mask to which he comments, “thick and pretty.” *roll eye* He makes me laugh with a few jokes then in a hurry and hangry I slipped him the number of my second phone and continued to walk to the mall.

Now before I continue with this guy, let’s break into another story with another guy at the same MOMENT!

As I am talking to the white guy, a friend I’ve known since I was younger happens to be at the mall and watches me interact with this guy. As I’m walking away after talking with Jimmy(not his name), I noticed him, gave him a hug and asked him how he was doing. He ended following me into the mall and we talked the whole time I was grabbing food about Jimmy. Finally as we were walking back outside to my car, the convo changed. He started talking about me and him: how he always wanted me, he wish I had his kid, he wants to eat the kitty, and how he’s always been hoping that we would be smash. DF! How the conversation turn a whole 180 like that? I laughed and laughed and laughed some more. He continues to describe IN DETAIL his plans and how I’d have such an amazing time with him if we were together. Cutting the conversation short because of hunger, I slid him my second phone’s number and told him I’d talk to him soon. SKKKRRRRRRRRTTTTTT! OUTTIE! I left so damn quick, NONE of that! Now back to Jimmy. We talked the next day to basically get the basics of each other: age, background, employment, relationship status, and 401k’s (nah i’m playing). Now… I know you’re wondering where this story is going. This is a classic ghosting story: THE MAN HAS 3 KIDS! SKKKKKKKRRRRRRRRTTTTT! Now I’m not shallow or anything but I’m older now to whereas I want a family of my own. I’m not going back and forth with the mother’s of your children and I’m not playing step-mom to more than one child. Those are the rules; so that’s why I haven’t spoken to him in over a week. He wasn’t even a bad looking white guy that’s the crazy thing, I just wasn’t having it.

Footnote: we still tackle the “second phone” bit this week. The reason I always like to have two phones needs a post of it’s own.

DEAR DIARY

When shit hits the fan, you find out who truly has you. His story just makes you look at your own story like : “same shit, different pitch.” You truly see who has you when life seems to be beating your ass like HARPO! The same ones who couldn’t wait to touch road with you, the same ones who didn’t hesitate to call you, the same ones who would tell everyone how good friends you guys are-are the same ones who will leave you high and dry. If everything was bless, you guys would still be coming around; if everything was “gucci,” you’d be ringing off people’s phone. This is why I’ve realized that it seems wiser for me to move in silence. Help me understand: is it a conflict of interest, ya’ll decided to expose, or did you simply not fuck with people from the jump? Don’t be calling people your friends if you going to be moving on some dumb shit. The Code is broken, these people can’t listen to reason anymore because they just focused on the next bag, and EVERYONE is not realizing that the people who claim to love you, DON’T! I see men getting caught up in females who would never ride for them if push came to shove. I see females doing the most for males who undervalue their efforts. #Changethedynamic. This year has made me re-evaluate my friend/relationships and how I’m going to move going forward. Sitting there and listening to another person’s story about how you cannot truly trust or count on anyone, meanwhile you’re experiencing your own version of the bullshit is crazy. I used to see certain people in a different light and that has changed now. People are NOT who they claim to be. I hope we can both take this chapter in our lives and make it profitable. I’m glad I finally got a chance to talk to him because I can relate in part to what he’s going through. Too often we push aside the emotions of a male because people made a stigma that a guy having emotions is un-masculine. Men are people too, they feel and react just like anyone else. It’s just harder for a man to express sadness than a woman. Wrong is wrong, but if we all wrong then you have no right to be calling me out. Check for those who check for you, the rest are some bitches.

[Bee signed out]

Dear Diary

I just don’t care anymore.

It’s crazy how I’m constantly viewed as the bad guy but no one ever stops to see just how nice I am. I’ve let you guys talk down to me and fuck me over countless times but yet still don’t treat anyone as bad as they treat me. Now I ain’t no angel, I’ve messed up in a lot of areas in my life, but who hasn’t? I’ve sat down and listened to people call me crazy for still being cool with people who’ve done some foul shit. I’ve heard people say, “couldn’t be me” more times than I can count because I’ve decided to not be a dick towards someone who’s been a dick to me. My heart is set a certain way, my mother worked hard to instill decorum in her children so that for the most part we know we shouldn’t treat people a certain way. I am loud and rude, I know this: I’ve been working on bettering the way I approach the trials and tribulations of life. I just want to be happy. I want to wake up and not feel like I world is weighing heavy on my chest. I want to wake up and look in the mirror and not be disgusted by what I see. I want to wake up, walk outside, and just be grateful for life. If I continue down the path that I am on right now, I can’t see myself wanting much to do with life. I am not suicidal but at the same time, have you ever just felt like you’re living just to live? Like there’s no specific reason, you just go through each day doing the same routine for the same outcome with no hope that it will get better? That’s me mentally, but that shit has got to stop. This year has truly open my eyes to changes that need to be made in order for me to feel this happiness that I’ve been searching for; it’s time for a change.

So I don’t care anymore. I don’t care what anyone has to say about me. I don’t care about what anyone thinks about me. I don’t care about anyone who has showed me that they can not be counted on. I don’t care for men who want to play games. I don’t care for co-workers who don’t like me. I don’t care for the politics of gossiping. I don’t care for the total disregard of another persons’ feelings. I just don’t care anymore. My main focus is health and wealth. Shout out to me for holding down the fort so long in my life; I am my own best friend. Shout out the people who I’ve now realize are my true friends, I WILL see you guys at the top. Last but never least, although sometimes I want to stay asleep for a week I want to thank to lord for allowing me to wake up and see another day. It’s the little things that matter. #Changethedynamic .

[Bee signed out]

FORWARD THINKING

Enough. It’s time that we understood that the feeling we hold towards life needs to change. Life is complicated: some days will have you feeling that you have everything figured out and then some days you want to give up. I get it, I’ve been there; I’m still there but there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel. Stop focusing on where everyone else is at in life and become more conscious about yourself. Life is exactly like a roller-coaster: lots of ups and down, high and low emotions, scary turns, and euphoria moments that only end when the ride has come to a complete stop. Death. So why spend the ride worrying about another person’s ride experience? Everyone has their own battles or journeys to face so why go through this ride watching another person’s experience? No one is perfect and this year has truly made me realize this very thing. We as so quick to point out the flaws of another but can we say we’ve done any better? Can we say that we’ve reacted to every situation in the best way possible? Did you live your life to the fullest? Have you achieved all your goals? Most of us will have already answered no to at least one of these questions, so why not focus on a bigger picture? You. Forward thinking. There’s no time for pettiness when you know what you want out of life and are truly making the steps to make those dreams possible. Sitting around gossiping, being envious, and disrespecting your fellow man will not get you anywhere good in life. You want more blessings, change your dynamic. Your attitude towards life and the people who still have it. RIP to all those you didn’t make it this far, your lessons and blessings have not gone unnoticed. We’ve gotten so used to treating each other horribly, forgetting the morals and values we used to uphold, and in a whole: we’ve lost our compassion. Now I’m not saying to deal with the bullshit the world throws at you; fuck no, sometimes you gotta fight back. My point is, choose your battles: not everything deserves recognition. Instead of being petty towards that friend you don’t like anymore, wish them blessings and move on with life. Instead of holding ill-regards for that partner that did you wrong, wish them blessings and move on with life. Instead of letting out the negative energy on people who piss you off, send them blessings and move on with life. We have forgotten a key knowledge that emotions are always tied to the person who is feeling them; do you honestly think the people who’ve done you wrong care? Maybe they do, but do they? If they truly cared, you wouldn’t still be in your feelings as you are now. Let go of that hurt or disrespect that people have done to you, learn from it and apply the right steps to make sure it doesn’t happen again. By bettering yourself, people will take notice and wonder what has made you this way? PEACE! Nothing beats peace, knowing that no weapons formed against me shall prosper because I AM AT PEACE!

Speaking for myself: I keep realizing that the more positivity you place in the air, the more the blessings flow. Yes there are trials and tribulations; I’ve been going through so much during these past few months that I would have thought for sure I’d given up already. Been feeling like an empty soul floating about on the earth without an purpose, no true idea of where I want to go or who I want to be; simply just here. Hell, a part of me still feels this way but every day is new push forward. Even when I feel like throwing in the towel: fuck friends, work, school, money, showering, men….. HUMANS PERIOD, I still try and push forward. Always remembering that as crazy as it seems: there’s a means to madness. Forward thinking. You are worthy. You were wonderfully made and there is a reason you are on this planet. Sometimes people only remember you when you’re doing well in life and that’s okay, just know those are not the people you need as roots in your life. The world has changed but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be the change you want to see in the world; not everyone will have your best interest in mind but that’s the sign that you need to take a different route on that friend/relationship. Only YOU can turn your life around; yes the universe and people can sway some changes in your life but overall you have to be the one who puts their foot down and demands more for themselves. Even when you’ve had enough and you’re ready to call it quits remember this: You can do it, I believe in you, and there’s only up from rock bottom.

Peace and love guys.

DILEMMA

So I’ve broken the seal and put myself out there but no luck. This is not how I expected that life would go after losing my virginity.

I thought well now I can actually mingle with guys without them running away from the start because they found out I’m a virgin. EHHH WRONG! That’s clearly not how it works love. Just because you think something is going to go a certain way, doesn’t mean it will actually go that way. So what’s the problem? Is it me? Is it society? Is it the male species? Is it all three? The last one seems about right: I have issues with meeting guys, society has screwed up the way we interact with each other on an intimate level, and men are just a complex species to me in general. Yeah I know: I should put myself out there, right? BEEN THERE DONE THAT! I’ve tried dating online and offline, nothing has FULLY worked. I was even thinking a couple days ago that I should just sign up on an online dating site again but it’s such a damn hassle. CAHRONAVIRUS *cardi b voice* makes it hard to meet people in person so I’m left with day dreaming about my future boo; which is sad as hell.

He’s tall, dark, and handsome like Kendall Jenner said in her interview: small eyes (my favorite body part), big smile, he’s strong, he’s passionate, he’s ambitious, and he’s ALL MINE! He’s not worried about any other female but me and his mama. He loves God, smokes weed, and a little rough around the edges; not TOO rough but just the right amount so y’all know he ain’t no push over. Now if I could put all that into a man then we will be well on the road to a lovely relationship, but that’s just the start. After all that, I need him to be all about mind and money: gotta be a hustler; a business man. He’s gotta be street and book smart; gotta know the ropes of life man… it’s hard out here for a pimp. I want to be able to sit down, roll a joint, and talk about life without making him confused: aliens, conspiracies, energy, god, childhood, goals, and dreams. The type of conversations where you don’t realize it’s been four hours and you’ve just scratched the tip of iceberg. I can’t forget the lovey-dovey part, I need me a lova man. Now here me out, I’m not saying be all soft and shit just be compassionate and considerate. As someone who is affectionate, you have to be also or the situationship will run its course quickly. Grab my face and kiss me, rub my booty, caress me while I play video games, tell me I look sexy or smell good, let me know my ass getting fatter, let me wear your hoodies, and run my hands across your body. *sigh

So what now? Do I wait for this make believe person I’ve slightly described above or simply forget about even being in a relationship? I re-read that and I got slightly irritated. I have not dated anyone so giving up is some bullshit; I haven’t even lived the life! I’m getting older and I know I got a little more maturing to do but at the same time I’m ready for “love.” I use quotations because I stopped believing in it on a romantic level a long time ago but at the same time I still want it. How are you suppose to feel when you look around and everyone is hitting the milestones in life that we’ve been told since young: go to school, get a job, find a partner, get married, have kids, and retire. Only thing I have out of all of those is a job; nothing else of my own. I realize that life moves at a different pace for everyone but I am I not suppose to be a little annoyed that life isn’t moving as fast as I want it to? This has me ready to settle with being a rich aunt or “the young lady in their father’s will”. Only time will tell but while everything else in my life seems to be moving so fast, this shit is taking its sweet time.

Mood: sunday

Happy Sunday everyone! I don’t know about you guys but it’s been a trying week for me: nothing but downs all week. Nonetheless we are going to push forward into this new week with more hopefulness. Whatever it is that you are dealing with at this moment in time, just know that things can get better; life can take a turn for the better. Let’s keep hope alive and change our mindsets to something more positive. This week I hope brings enlightenment and focus on a bigger picture for the life you are trying to grab hold of; let’s not forget that life is also what you make it, so make it meaningful. This past week as taught me that things don’t always go the way you plan, people hate what they don’t understand, and there’s always a bigger plan. So let’s enter this new week with a change in dynamic: FAITH! Have faith that you will get that bonus, pass that test, make that commission, or simply get through the day. Have faith that all the hard work you’ve been doing in the background of your life will finally become worth it. Have faith that there is someone watching over you, sees how hard you are trying, and will reward you for your efforts. Have faith that your big break is coming, the love of your life will show up, and that everyone who ever doubted you will have to eat their words.

Nankurnaisa ~ it all will work out.