Look at yourself

Happy Monday.

Day Five.

As you’ve read previously, I’ve incorporated some changes in my life to better myself mentally, physically, socially, and spiritually. Today’s goal is : Look at yourself. Nothing is more necessary.

Look at yourself. Observe yourself. Go into yourself, because in this state as we are, we will create a monstrous world. You may go to the Moon, you may go further, to Venus, Mars and all the rest of it, but you will always carry yourself over there. Change yourself first ! Therefore to change, look at yourself, go into yourself – observe, listen, learn.

J. Krishnamurti

The change you want to see in the world has to start from within. My temper is short, my words are rash, I need to learn to take the time to breathe, think, and articulate a response properly. Last week I got a nice juicy dose of my own medicine when I was called about by a few people who see truly potential in me about my character. As bright, fun-loving, and genuine you may be, there are always room for improvement. For example: I am a very bubbly and outgoing person but I will also cuss you out if you irritate me; unprofessional and unhealthy. I’ve been nicknamed a lot of things growing up and two nicknames stuck with me until now: “walking ipod and walking dictionary.” People notice that any time a song places, more than likely I know it. They also noticed that I knew quite a few big words or the synonyms of words we use daily. The point I’m making is that I forgot that I can get my point across without having to swear and yell. I’ve been living life with my temper as a shield. Growing up being bullied all the time made me develop this hard shell around me which happens to be my mouth. The quiet girl is now the LOUDEST! With that being said, where has it gotten me? Nowhere good. Constant disagreements with others, loss in promotions because of my rash behavior, and many failed “situationships” with men. I have to learn to be the change I want for my life. The people around me can see the potential but I was the one who was blinded. I assumed my raw talent and personality would get me where I wanted but it only held me back. Look at yourself. Question yourself. Learn from yourself. The actions you took in the past can help you today more than you know, so tap into that old self and observe. Where did you go wrong? What can you improve on? Where is direction you want to take your life? How can you reach there?

Today’s goal is the give yourself an evaluation. What are the changes you can make about yourself today that will improve tomorrow? My first step is to control my emotions. Since the first of April, I’ve been trying my hardest to keep to this goal. 30 days of acknowledging my shortcomings and correcting them right when a situation tries to take me out of my zone. The long talk is dead. If people won’t take the time to hear your side of the situation then move on. If someone is attacking you in the messages: breathe, state your opinion calmly but sternly. If they still come at you, leave them alone. Wish them a lovely morning/afternoon/evening, and walk away. The most important thing is your OWN mental peace. I am someone who is quick to react and one of the goals was to stop that. Get to the root of the hurt, anger, irritation, or sadness and go from there. Mental Freedom is the ultimate goal here: to be free from the dark cloud that weighs your shoulders down and keeps you up at night.

Communicate with yourself and with others the change you want to make and do it now! There’s no better time than the present and the benefits are just waiting for you to collect them. Let your voice be heard in a more potent way. Learning how to communicate with others in a more proper way can help avoid a lot of problems. How you express yourself to the world is an important tool to learn because it is a tool you have to use in every walk of life. Business, friends, family, and with strangers; it also determines how far you will go with each individual. Are you more incline to listen to someone who can tell you how they feel calmly, or someone who is yelling at you? I’m sure we both know the answer to that question. If you want your voice to heard, you need to find your voice.

Don’t hate Mondays, make Mondays hate you.

Goal : Control.

Wellness Mission: We start back that 100squats challenge. 10 every hour from you start your day until you’ve completed 100. For example: if you wake up at 6am, 7am is when you should start your first 10 squats. This challenge is for every other day until the 30th so the next session will be on Wednesday, then Friday and so forth. I hope you guys will join me. 10 Minutes of Mediation.

The GOT DANG truth!

I am a BOSS! Now I ain’t talking about some regular degular shxt, I’m talking about big baller BOSS! I don’t know why I let my mind take over the fact that I am a leader; WE are leaders. This life we have is OURS, so why do we keep downplaying and bashing ourselves when deep down we know we are the shxt. If we are going by the values of today, I am still winning because I got dudes ready to spend their last dollar on me, I’m alive, I’m dark chocolate, chunky but sexy, and I’m the life of the party. I don’t got the dollars but you wouldn’t think less than when I step out to an event! Forget all that though, I know I’m a boss for the simple fact that I was born this way. We were all born to be the boss/leader of our lives but we want to be the best over others. That’s how we got “lost in the sauce,” trying to one up each other. Instead of helping your brethren or being a tool of guidance and emotional healing, we backstab and envy each other. A life not worth living. This is why I don’t feel no ill towards anyone I don’t talk to anymore and I bare no scorn for men would’ve done me wrong in the past: these were all just lessons to be learned. Healing from the wounds that aren’t on display can be one of the toughest but most necessary task you will have to accomplish. So like I said, I’m a BOSS! I am the leader taking ahold of my destiny alongside the power of the heavens! Together we will manifest the positive blessings needed in my life and it will be prosperous! I claim in the lords name that this year will be the turning point in each and everyone’s lives. Even if it has to get worst before it gets AMAZING, I am ready to claim this BOSS status. Let the curve come to you by being open to it, we keep ourselves down by watching the change in the lives of others and becoming fixated on why our time hasn’t come. It will come. Remember and believe it will. Faith is unseen but necessary, a little hope goes a long way.

With that being said, can’t nobody say anything to me now. I’m doing what I want to make MY life and my peoples lives better. Changing myself because I want to change not because I’m trying to be accepted by others. Loving myself because I deserve true love and it will also teach me how to truly love another. Accepting my flaws without judgement and working on fixing what needs fixing. Remembering that people are who they are and it doesn’t need to represent who I am; there’s no need for me to step out of character because of the actions of others. Waiting for the desires of my heart without prejudice to how long it make take. Finally, owning my beauty. I’ve felt so disgusted by my appearance for a while now and if I want to see myself in a better light, I need to make the steps to improve my health. Accepting my imperfections and being okay with who I am. You can get all the compliments in the world but if you don’t truly feel beautiful, it will fall on deaf ears; fake “thank yous.” S

So returning back to the reason I made this blog, here is a truth: I AM A BOSS AND SO ARE YOU!! PERIODT!

Holy Saturday !

I just want to start this post by saying: I am thankful for each and every single life that has made it to see today. Blessings and sleep in peace to those who haven’t. It’s been a trying year so far but nonetheless, I am grateful for life. Even during the tough times you have to remain positive because when the blessings do come; after all the hard work, you receive them even better! Happy Sabbath to my fellow Seventh-Day Adventists! Today is communion and you have to pause so you can remember the overall goal: seeing the pearly gates. How? By being a just person and treating each other with kindness and respect. I know things can get wild and we forget our manners or customs we were taught but a saint is just a sinner who fell down, but they could not stay there so they got up. The heavens recognizes someone who is trying to be better. With that being said, as the new week approaches, remember to treat yourself and others better.

Have a wonderful day! 🙏🏿💫

another week!

Grand rising folks and welcome to a new week. I will start by saying: thank you to the heavens for allowing us to see another Sunday morning, sleep in peace and bless those who didn’t make it to this far; we are thankful regardless. We have been given another chance to be great by waking up this morning, do not take that for granted. Go out and use the blessing you have been given to change your circumstance, better yourself, and help others. Remember, time waits for no one so don’t waste it being anything less than magical. I understand it’s hard to stay positive and hopeful in a world that seems so hopeless and negative; it’s an energy killer: one step forward, two steps back. Nonetheless, the gift of life is something to be truly grateful for and with that being said, let’s OWN this week!

Start the changes in your life that you’ve been putting off, have that conversation with that person you’ve been waiting for have, tell the person you are crushing on how you truly feel, or go for that promotion. Whatever it is in life that you’ve been hesitating on, make this week the priority for it. We don’t know what the future holds, by next Sunday some of us can be gone: you never know when it’s your time. Use the moments in time you have now to make a difference in the long term. You have the potential to be great, so use this week to make those changes that will benefit you in the long run. Remember to love each other and yourselves.

Have a safe, productive, and inspiring week.

Careless: Hurdle Completed.

It’s crazy because it took me so long to get to a place where I’m just mainly focused on me and my family. I just lost all the cares for anything or anyone else to be truly honest. I’ve always been the one to allow the nonsense because my heart is so big but I just don’t care anymore. It’s been a long time coming, choosing yourself first. Always been know to put others first and it never truly got me anywhere good, just another blow to the heart strings.

You’d think I’d feel a way about certain people no longer being in my life:

  • That’s family..
  • I thought you guys were mad close/best friends
  • Aren’t you god mom to her son?
  • Thought that was your twin
  • Didn’t you almost love him?
  • So it went from everyday to never again?

Couldn’t careless, it simply wasn’t mean to be. The questions roll in daily as more people figure out what’s happening and I answer them all the same: couldn’t careless. I couldn’t careless if I lose all my friends, I couldn’t careless if I never find a boyfriend, I couldn’t careless if people don’t like me, I couldn’t careless if my tone is too much, I couldn’t careless if you think I’m rude, I couldn’t careless if you want me to stop chilling around other men…

I stopped caring about anything that isn’t bringing me closer to the pearly gates, fattening my pockets, or helping my family. I’m not saying people and things currently in my life aren’t of importance; they are, I just couldn’t careless if they leave . I’ve gotten to a point in life where I just wanna be happy and feel happy. It’s one thing to be happy during certain times but I always wanna feel happy, and I’ve never truly been happy; always temporary. Now that my New Years resolution was to cut out the long talking, I’m super blunt now. The constant abuse, assumptions, and being labelled “the bad guy” has desensitized my heart into taking the bullshit people throw at me. One day soon I will be fully over the nonsense and embrace my new found love of life with the people and things that will keep my uplifted and positive. Blessings to you all and I hope one day you will also find the courage to want more for yourself.

We’ll see what’s bout to happen next; like drake said.

Weekly Vibes.

Happy Sunday Folks, it’s a new week so let’s give it all we’ve got. Stop running from or holding back your full potential; you’ve got this. It’s a new month also for us to reach the goals we tend to put off. For those who are still not working, a change will come for you soon. For those who are working or hustling, keep up with the grind it will pay off eventually. Keep up the faith also, I know times have been trying us a lot lately but never lose hope that there will be a better tomorrow. All the pain and suffering will finally be worth the end result.

So with that being said, stay safe, stay healthy, and stay focused. New week = new movements. Let’s push ourselves to achieve the best version of ourselves. Keep your mind focused on what’s important and forget about the doubters and negative people who might have something to say about your mission. Love yourz . 🙏🏿💖

Happy Sunday. 💫

The Bad Guy…

so what are you going to say at my funeral now that you’ve killed me? … Here lies the body of a loud, rambunctious yet kind-hearted woman who wouldn’t treat me the way I treated her…Here lies the woman who always gave people the benefit of the doubt even when her gut told her they shouldn’t be trusted… Rest In Peace, my turn up friend, who I fucked over. A true throat baby and the best listener. Ashes to ashes, dust to frenemies.

*beyonce voice*

RIP to her. Sleep now in peace from the heartless and confused, the bewildered and the belittling folks.

I’m always the bad guy…

  • You’re doing too much
  • You’re bipolar
  • It’s not that serious
  • Forget your principle
  • You’re fake
  • You’re too emotional
  • That was unnecessary
  • Deal with it

Some of things I hear when I react to the actions of others… Why don’t you guys ever call yourself out for your actions but it’s always the reaction that is important. How about we learn to stop doing the dumb shit we do and maybe there wouldn’t be a negative reaction…? Doesn’t that make more sense then coming for someone? It’s crazy because when placed in a similar position, people either act the same way you do or worst sometimes. Maybe you are at a point in life where you couldn’t careless, but I am not. I still have feelings: maybe not as strong but they are definitely still there. So EXCUSSSSSE ME for not putting up with the constant bullshit. You wanted a bad guy, here she is.

To all the people who took my kindness for weakness or will attempt to, today is a new day. I don’t care who you are or where you are in life, the foot is coming down. From now on the brute force will be coming down. Oh so you thought that I was going to give you all this love and attention forever? NOPE! You don’t realize the great thing in front of you, it’s time we showed it to someone else. Oh so you thought because we’ve known each other so long, you can’t be completely cut off? It’s funny because I’ve been going through a situation with a few ex-friends this past week and they all messaged me and said to delete/block them… I laughed, wanna know why? THEY WERE ALREADY DELETED! You see there this thing called emotional intelligence and I have a HIGH IQ! I can feel the energy coming before it even hits and I take action before you do. This is another reason why males don’t like me so much because I always end things before they do. I can feel the distance, the fuckery, the lack of love, or simply when someone doesn’t really rock with you the same way anymore. Notice is posted and I respond accordingly.

With that being said, the heart is cold. Now I am not saying I am heartless now, I’m just cold. If you want to warm my heart you gotta do more now than ever before. That benefit of the doubt shit is DONE: if someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE them. NEXT! “Blood is thicker than water.” At the end of the day, you’re own family can not have your best interest in mind. You’re own family members can be the ones to nail the metaphorical nail into the coffin of your mind. So to that phrase I say… “Shut the hell up, family ain’t shit either.” When you realize family ain’t shit also, the whole world turns into an enemy. ABSOLUTE DISTRUST FOR ANYONE! I wish that sibling all the best in life and I’ll be sure to remain in the lives of their offsprings because I love them regardless, but I only have ONE sibling now.

Introducing the Bad guy: Me. You were the one wronged and the whole world is now against you. How could you be so selfish, so chatty, so fake, so inconsiderate? How could you ask questions? How could share the secret? How could you lie about the story? How could you tell the other person that people were talking shit about them? How could you?!?! Why would you? They all thought you were better than that, but what about them? How come they betrayed you? How come they can sit and talk shit about you like you just weren’t there a couple days ago? How come they can laugh at your pain? How come they can call you the bad guy and high five each other for being “real” ? Simple. They don’t care. So why exactly should you? I now have no problem with being the bad guy. I’ll take all your shit talking, all the blows to the chest, all the fake love, and the fake expressions. I take it all. Just remember, so will you.

Screw you. All of you. You potential partners and partners that deem our request for more INVALID, Fuck you. Why is it such a big problem that we want to be treated better as lovers? We want to be heard, we want the same love we show you back, we want to be the ONLY ONE not the main or the temporary until you find someone better! SCREW YOU for calling us names and degrading our character simply because we just want to be treated like human beings. Now for you poor excuse of friends and family members: SCREW YOU TO HELL! Yes I said, SCREW YOU RIGHT TO HELL! You specific type of humans are useless! Oh I still wish you guys the best but the karma will come for you all one day and I’ll be DAMNED IF YOU DO NOT SEE ME LAUGHING! Yes, laughing at your pain. Too bad, So Sad. Ive lost all my cares for anyone who fits this category.

They always make us out to be the bad guys but what exactly are they? I mean if they were doing shit right, we wouldn’t have reacted the way we did correct? So what are they? They have made us out to be the horrid ones to anyone who can listen. They laugh at us with their homeboys/girls because we want to love them and they just looking for something quick. Funny.

This time the jokes on them and they are in for a treat.

cause the same ones talking shit, do so-so you can’t see… and the same ones to diss you, turn around and try to make a comeback. HA!

#TheBadGuy .👿

Dear Diary

It’s like every week I’m learning a new lesson. This weeks lesson: keep it to yourself. I mean everything!!! Your feelings, thoughts, emotions, goals, dreams, love, trust, respect, money, compassion, consideration, joy, energy, opinions, EVERYTHING! It doesn’t matter who you are or what you stand for to people if they don’t care then there’s no point in expressing yourself. So I will be staying mute and keeping my distance.

  • If I FINALLY get a boyfriend
  • If I win the lotto
  • If I’m feeling depressed
  • If I’m feeling angry
  • If I want a hug
  • If I achieved something I’ve been working hard on
  • If I get accepted into the school
  • if I’m pregnant
  • If I’m not cool with a mutual person
  • If someone I know just died

No one will know!! From this day forward: February, 25,2021. All accounts of my life will either be posted in short minor details on my blog or not said at all. The only person who will continue to hear my life story is my brother; unbiased and never talks what I say to him. The rest of the world will never gain my trust again.

Next step is removing all the negative energy and unnecessary people in my life. Good riddance and blessings always to those who are about to get CUT!

[Bee signed out]

Dear Diary

I’ve been lying to everyone around me about how I’m truly feeling. There’s no clear way of saying “leave me thee fuck alone” without causing problems. Always talking about being mentally drained and now you physically drained. Only reason you actually get out of bed is because there is money to be made; forget socializing. What’s the point in being around someone who doesn’t check for you like you’d check for them? It’s a waste of time and it’s sad to see myself in a “clown” state all because I have a big heart. Naive. With holding your true thoughts towards people because you just don’t have the energy for what comes after you’ve said your piece. There’s only been 5 people who have been checking for me so far this year: actually 6 but she’s far so she can’t do as much as the others. I am grateful for them. For the rest, may the heavens bless you because you will be gone out of my life soon. Holding onto unnecessary baggage is a big setback so y’all getting dropped off at the next exit.

[Bee signed out]

Now & Forever

There comes a point in time where enough is enough. You’ve lost the care you once had, the love you once showed, and the desire you once gave. Now you’re cold; immune to the negativity that you just accept it now. Accept that things won’t work out for you, accept that your are who you are, and the world will remain how it is.

Truth or Fiction?

It’s either “Now or never” or “Now and forever.”

Life is filled with SOBs ( sons of bitches) and you just gotta deal with it. You can’t make people change if they do not see where they need to change. People have a way of only seeing their faults when there’s a cloud of tension in a room or when someone who’s actual opinion they value shows them. SOB. Now and forever something has to change: whether it’s your or them; more than likely it will be you.

Standing up for yourself is one of the best feelings in the world: showing people that you are done putting up with the blatant nonchalant attitude that people show you. Where are these people when you’re hungry? Where are these people when you need a shoulder to lean on? Where are these people when you feel like giving up? Where are these people when the bills are stacked too high for you to manage? Where are these people when you want to be loved? Nowhere.

It’s Now or never folks.

Or it’s Now and Forever.

Fuck living for others and live for you and your true loved ones. A “friend” is such a term that is constantly misused to describe the people you hang around. A “lover” is such an undeserving word for someone who doesn’t have your best interest in mind. So fuck em! If you can’t find genuine love and support from your friends, family, or partner…. then FUCK EM! You will continue to be depressed and lash out at the ones who DO have your best interest. You will continue to doubt your worth and second guess your capabilities with the ball of negative people around you. #changethedynamic . If you want more for yourself you gotta demand more! They think you are weak, gullible, and easy to manipulate… show them how wrong they are. Show them your power, dignity, and strength; take the trash in your life to the curb!

It’s Now or Never.

Or Now and Forever folks.

You either nip in the bud now and forever. Or read my words now and never speak on it. Your choice, choose wisely.

Dear Diary

Forgive me.

  • forgive me for wanting more
  • Forgive me for forgetting
  • Forgive me for trying to love someone
  • Forgive me for leaving the church
  • Forgive me for believing you were my friend
  • Forgive me for being so blind
  • Forgive me for the useless money spending
  • Forgive me for yelling
  • Forgive me for swearing
  • Forgive for hating myself
  • Forgive me for hating my body
  • Forgive me for the doubt
  • Forgive me for my empty heart

[Bee signed out]

WINNING WEDNESDAY!

Good morning everyone, I hope you have all been keeping safe and staying entuned with your star player.

I don’t know about anyone else but it’s been crazy since the last time I posted. My apologies for the late “new week” post, life just was moving too fast for me lately. I just want to start this off by saying that I am truly thankful for another week. I hope you are also. Blessings to all my readers and loved ones who have made it to see another week alongside me. Sleep in peace to those who didn’t make it to see this new day or previous days before. Life comes at you fast and sometimes you aren’t prepared for it; that is in part why I haven’t been posting as often. Now that time has slowed down a little bit, I am back with a lot of things to post about.

These days being positive has really been a huge task for me, it’s like no matter how hard I try something always seems to mess things up. I don’t know if it’s me, people I interact with, or simply a cosmic energy but yah girl has been drained lately. Thrown the towel in on life because it’s too much, but staying hopeful has changed that dynamic. I am thankful for my life, I am thankful for my body being able to do the tasks it needs to during the day, I am thankful that I ate today, and I am thankful that every day alive is a new day to make changes to my life. Thing get pretty bleak sometimes but there is always new beginnings waiting for you just over the horizon of your mental thoughts. Train your mind to think more positive and uplifting things. Speak blessings into existence. Trials and tribulations will always comes and a lot of the times you aren’t prepared for it, but keeping a clear, encouraging mind will help guide you through your toughest times. There are days when I don’t even feel like interacting with the outside world: I’d call in sick when absolutely nothing is physically wrong it’s just mental. Taking the time out to know and love yourself, heal your mind and heart, and tend to the most important goals you have in life in the long run will help you become a more content person. It’s not always about being better I should say, it’s about feeling better. We can all wear fake smiles, why not for once show one that is genuine? Leave the “relying on others or materialistic things to make you happy” alone and embrace the beauty of YOU!

Although we are already deep into the week, my wish for you all this is week is that you find peace, love, and happiness in your daily lives. I hope the struggles and the storms you are going through right now lighten up soon, and may your mind be at ease to allow positivity to cultivate in it. Thank you for reading and supporting. Let’s have an amazing Hump Day, and continue to #changethedynamic.

changethedynamic

You have to be the change you want to see in the world, it all starts within. I’ve made this hashtag because it truly speaks to me, it made me realize that there were times were I could have changed the dynamic to better the situation, but didn’t. Times where a simple switch in demeanor and decorum could have made things a lot easier for myself and the people around. I’ve been incorporated this slowly into my daily life so that I can become a better person in all walks of life. It is not an easy task to do with all the trials and tribulations of that life has to offer but it’s not unobtainable. It’s not impossible to leave a just life. The main thing is that you never give up on your stride to a better you or a better world. If you’ve been steadily on my blog you would have seen that I’ve used it in a few of my posts and you can understand how it ties in to what I was posting about it. Sometimes life throws bombs on your plans but that doesn’t mean you have to give up on those plans, maybe the universe is showing you that there is another way to go about the things you want in life. The universe could also be telling you that what you want may not be the best thing for you. This also doesn’t mean you give up on those plans; tweak them, try a new route and see if you goals still end up coming into existence. Dynamic is everywhere: it’s how you act in school, work, church, the grocery store, social occasions, meetings, and where ever else you have to interact with different people. It’s also in the way you see life: pollution, politics, health, fitness, religion and more. Changing the dynamic means changing you; putting a better energy out in the world to receive a better energy back. Owning your essence and bossing up on anyone who was doubting your progress. So I hope you guys can join me in pushing this hashtag out and also adapting it into your lifestyle as well.

Let’s #changethedynamic in you and in the world for the better.

Real quick!

I’ve realized that you know what, sometimes it really isn’t you-you know. Sometimes people bring the negative to YOUR front door and your reaction is most times negative back. So I will say this as nice as I can: MOVE WITH YOUR MIXXUP! Move with that ignorant shit that makes people that have brain cells like me irritated. Is there a reason why you’ve decided to live this specific life? The most people can say about me when it comes down to interaction is that: I’m rude and I don’t come around as often as I should. I understand the rude part because I have a temper and if you don’t have brain cells (i.e common sense) we will butt heads.

sense is sense.

~Kingbee

Don’t ask me a stupid question and don’t act stupid. It’s just that simple. Anything obvious, should not be said… On the part about me not coming around often has too many reasons to count. When it call comes down to it, I understand that it may seem like I’m full of excuses; most times I am. I can’t really speak too bluntly so I’ll lie about having something to do and that’s the reason I can’t come to check, but the reality is I’m laying in my bed. That’s the antisocial and lazy side of me coming out. Another reason is because before I didn’t have the means to make it to see people; I did take the bus for most of my life. One more bleak reason is because certain people can’t come to certain functions. You’re not going to being your group of nerdy friends to a dancehall peggy party; they’d be terrified. It’s hard out here for a pimp, I can only keep certain people around me when it’s time to touch road. No diss to the people who don’t touch road: more times I’ll come over and we’ll smoke joints as we talk about life; a link up I can’t do with another group of friends. So screw the politics and know that-that petty shit needs to dead. Instead of worrying about someone else: worry about yourself, your goals, your future, your mental and physical health. We got one life to live and y’all worried about what a next person is doing. Cut that shit. Let’s boss up and #changethedynamic. None of the secret envy, none of the he said/she said; move on from the disrespect and ignorance. Everyone fucks up in life but the strongest person is the one who is constantly getting back up from the pit and creating a better them. Who care what people have to say about you or what you have to say about people; the year is almost done and there’s plenty of blessings in 2021 for the picking. If you don’t like it, well then it sounds like a personal problem; fix that. Fix UP!