Dear Diary

We’ve entered a new year but yet certain things still stay the same. I am still in the same debts I said I was going to get out of, only worst now. Contracting COVID really set me back even more than I thought I could be pushed back. Battling this virus that has taken the world by storm only makes the reason for my grind now more understandable. I can’t afford to lose out on what I wanted to achieve or begin this year. I can’t afford to be held back by the viewpoints of others. I can’t afford to have low self-esteem or beat myself for my shortcomings. I am trying to see GOD. I am trying to move my family away from this way of living that we’ve been living for years… there’s so much to do but I feel like there’s so little time or even none at all… something is happening in my body and it’s not a good thing. I’ve been constantly complaining about my health but yet have taken NO steps to fix it… waiting for the doctors to help but they don’t even call my black ass back…. I guess it’s true what the Doctor said in that interview: they really don’t listen to black women or black people when they talk about pain. I’ve made it 30 years so I’m grateful for that event if I don’t make it to another 30. Whatever happens to me, remember that I tried my best and I’m sorry for the way things went- but that’s just life. I type this with the strain in my arm that has been here for almost two weeks now… idk what COVID has done to my body but this is not anything I’d wish on even an enemy. The goal I have this year is to change my health: mentally, physically, spiritually, and socially. I want to start thinking more clearly, I want to stop the decline in my physical health, I want to grow closer to the Heavenly Father, and I also want to become the best version of myself as a friend to others. May the heavens guide us all on our paths this year! Stay focused. Stay safe. Stay Vigilant.

The time is now to really take charge of my life, I feel the switch of time… the government has a plan for us that we will not be prepared for if we don’t get started now. I pray we all make it through.

[Bee signed out]

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