Dear Diary

I find myself thinking about people I do not talk to anymore, why am I like this? Why do I care if people who don’t care about me are okay? Why do I keep an eye out for people who wouldn’t do the same for me? Why is wrong with my heart and how can I fix it? These people have done some foul things but yet still my heart looks out for their car, randomly watches their stories, or ask people we may know if they are good all because I want to make sure that everyone is still kicking. That they are still healthy: mentally and physically. That they are still putting their best foot forward. That they are still pursuing those goals we used to sit down and talk about when things were good. Still remembering the hurt and embarrassment though, still don’t want to rekindle what was lost, still not wanting to speak to them: I just want to know they are good. Regardless, everyone needs someone who is looking out for them, even if it’s not the person you’d expect. Nonetheless, I am tired of making sure everyone else is okay but yet feeling like a total wreck. I don’t even have my own shit together but yet I still want everyone to eat (for those who don’t understand the expression: I still want everyone to live life good). I guess this is just a part of me that will never die: always checking for others when they don’t deserve it. I don’t miss these people but they still cross my mind. Crazy. I guess that proves just how messed up life can be sometimes.

[Bee signed out]

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