Here’s to a new decade of experiences that I pray are for the better. It’s been a long time coming and regardless of the things that went on during my 20s, I am grateful to see a new decade. Cheers! We 30 now! I took some time off blogging to really focus on correcting some things in my life: work wise, friendship wise, relation wise, and self care wise. It’s time to really get into life being centered around me; after all, it is MY LIFE! Might as well live it to the fullest, right? I went through some traumatic changes and some beautiful changes during my twenties, really developed into a certain type of woman during this time. Being so restricted growing up, my 20s was really the time for me to “bruk out.” I tried to make sure I went everywhere I could and experience some of things I was withheld from experiencing. Still me but wiser definitely by the situations I was placed in this last decade. Lost a lot of people whether they have passed away or we do not speak anymore and it’s all apart of life; growing up.
My birthday didn’t go how I wanted it to go but nonetheless I am grateful for the people who came through regardless for me this year. It was a lot of confusion , ups and downs because of my mental state at the time, and a TON of pressure. Pressure to accommodate everyone but still remember that it’s MY day: MY time to shine. Pressure to be in the mood for a birthday I wasn’t in the mood for, to be honest. Ups and downs with finding places to chill at or organizing events. Confusion with payments, times, addresses, outfits; basically the works. Mostly anything that could go wrong went wrong but boy did I still turn the heck up! The things I did end up doing were super lit, fun, or simply relaxing. Still grateful to see another day and another birthday; many aren’t so fortunate. My birthday also showed me a different side to the people I know. I opted out on posting during my birthday weekend, just to see how things would pan out for everyone else that knows me. Will people still remember? It showed me that people won’t always show up for you the way you show up for them. Putting your life on hold to help celebrate another person life is something I always got involved with. If we were friends, I’d make it my mission to make sure I showed up to as many birthdays as I could. For some reason, whenever my birthday comes around, the world doesn’t seem to share the same energy. To be completely honest, this bothered me a lot. I held grudges even while still showing up for their events, that lifestyle got me nowhere. I learned that you take the highs with the lows and you move accordingly. Wish them well but learn your lesson. Going forward I know now that my birthdays will be solely on me, if I want to extend the invite I will.
I focused on love throughout my 20s a lot: so much so, that I got lost in trying to be a girlfriend and possible wife that I let my morals go to be more appealing to men. I let them use me and abuse me. I let them shame me. I let them take me for granted. I let them get away with how they treated me, all for the sake of possible “love.” Lessons were learned. Now I’m just living life: if love happens to come my way it will be on it’s own course, rather than on my pursuit. I am no longer giving people the benefit of the doubt and taking them exactly the way they are. I am no longer putting my all from the straight beginning. I will no longer give my body to men who have no good use for it. I will no longer let my mind worry about the well-being of another selfish male. True love might be out there, I’ll hope for that.
So again, here’s to a new decade: change is in the air! I’m ready to be unapologetically me. Fearless and fearsome. Remember who I actually am. Getting back to who I truly am: A lover, a science geek, a book worm, a comedian, a dependable friend, a honest friend, a child of God, and A HUMAN!! We all make mistakes and I’ve learned the hard way in many of mine. I’ve lost friendships that could have been settled way better than it was. I lost possible potential in men because I was so caught up in a lifestyle that wasn’t truly me. I lost health because of trying to keep up with the limelight. I lost my morals because I lost my self esteem. That is all about to change with this new decade, I’m taking everything back! I’m taking back my heavenly father because I strayed too far. I’m taking back my beauty and owning that I am a boss ass MF! I’m taking back my love from underserving people. I’m taking back my time from anyone who’s ever wasted it or will try to waste it. I’m taking back my life. Remember the main goals are the pearl gates and becoming the first millionaire in the family. The world ain’t stopping me anymore.