I look around to see the mix of hopelessness and hopefulness in the world.
I see people pushing through the day even while in the midst of turmoil.
I see the many displays of character on social media.
I see the changes in the air as we dive deeper into the winter season.
I see a lack of concern.
I see my failures.
I see my wins.
I see the smile on the pretty ladies’ face as she waits in the cold for the next bus.
I see the pain and the strength in the world.
I see no changes.
I see too many changes.
I sit behind the scene and watch as the people around me cry out.
I sit back and watch the world slowly burn.
I sit back and enjoy the company I keep.
I sit back and regret the company I keep.
Without feelings you get a different perspective about life. Without the emotions that may conflict how we respond to any specific situation, you can get an idea of something bigger than yourself. I look outside the window as the snow falls silently and my mind is clear; nothing negative, nothing positive… just clear. Step outside your feelings with me; look around you, what do you see? Take a look outside your window, what do you see? If I look around me right now all I see is darkness, but within that darkness is a sense of hopefulness. If I look around me I also notice the lack of concern for things that should be a concern. Too caught up in emotions, my place is dirty. I got one week left of clothes because I’ve just been so withdrawn mentally from doing any up keep. I still smile and have fun while pretending I’m not mentally going under. There’s no one to talk to that will understand. There’s no one to talk to that might relate, so I sit here typing without feelings. The snow is beautiful; quiet. Music playing faintly from my speakers and the exhale of marijuana smoke from my lips is all I hear. Without feelings I’ve finally figured out what my problem is: I sell myself short. I procrastinate, I shy away from responsibility, I lack consideration for others, myself, and I have my priorities mixed up.
The mind is the most power tool you have, it can either be damaging or it could be the very thing that saves you from being damaged. I see a lot of damaged people and people who are trying to keep themselves from becoming apart of the same group. I see smiles with hidden agendas and genuine ones. I see frowns and expressionless faces. I see beauty and I see beasts. I see poverty and riches galore. I see death and birth. What do you see? What do you WANT to see? Change starts within. My place is now clean, clothes washing and drying, dogs fed, showered and feeling refreshed. Surprisingly, my mind is not negative today. I got Kid Cudi bumping loudly through my speakers while I sit back and enjoy today…….