last nights drunken thoughts

I’d like to start this post off by saying that I have found a new artist who sings for me: Mariah the scientist.

So I’m intoxicated and in my feelings. Don’t you just want to kill the memories you had of dumb partners? Wash away the dirt these people left on your body and burn the images that are left in your subconscious? I do. Why did I open my heart and give my all to someone who turned around and carelessly gave that up? Why do I gotta be the only one who has the desire to put their all into a relationship regardless of how rocky the road may get? I’m not talking about infidelity, that shit is disgusting. I’m talking about true hardship that will test your loyalty to the relationship. I’ve been promoting a lot of positivity lately but today the music is taking my elsewhere. Is it a crime that I want revenge? I want to show these disrespect hoe ass men how they made me feel. Useless, undesirable, unwanted, a toy, baggage, or simply something to pass the time. Fuck You. I know wish all the fuck ups in my life all the best, but I’d be lying if I didn’t want them to feel how I felt when they did my dirty. Don’t you just want to shove a taste of their own medicine down their throats? Maybe it’s the alcohol but I’m feeling deadly. Not literally, metaphorically.

People who have heard me kind of sing (never fully singing to my full capacity) have said that I have a great voice: like good enough to try out on various competitions and go far. I’m just too shy but there is one sing that I’m singing with all my heart: Reminders. The song I’m speaking of is full of metaphors, it captures the “behind the scenes” feeling of someone who has to go through moving forward after going through some bullshit with their partner or ex-partner. That’s my thought at least. Why I’ve gotten particularly attached to this song? Well because she’s speaking my life into existence.

every candlelight dinner, date-night liquor, late-night visitor,

reminds me of a killer….


You know those situations where everything reminds you of the person you are trying to move on from? Reminds me of a killer, a killer of my heart. Bittersweet defeat: something you didn’t want to happen but happened anyway. Memories of our trauma is the thing that truly holds us back, because we are just waiting for another fuck up to happen. Accident-prone, clumsy, filled with bad luck, or jinxed is what we call ourselves. Why can’t our love life just work?

Honestly? Fuck all the partners who lost a good catch like us. Fuck all the people who couldn’t figure out what their priorities were, the people who decided it was okay to use and abuse people, and the people who took our love for granted. I am still on the peace vibe, I wish all the people who messed up in my life all the best but I also wish justice on you. Mistreating people because you aren’t entuned with your star player is not cool nor acceptable. There are people out there who are trying to love you and lead you down the right path, for you to waste that opportunity is simply idiotic. So if you know someone is still hung up about a bitter break up: do not bash them, uplift them. Some people’s healing takes longer than others. You have every right to be hurt about someone misusing your time and effort for nonsense. You have every right to be sad because you seen a future with someone who just wanted a quick fix. Let NO ONE take your emotions away from you, the importance is the figure out a way to learn from your experience.

Below is the link to the song that made me make this post. Leave a like, comment or share if you feel me. Thank you Mariah for capturing a real bitch feelings.

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